


A Fragile Soul Caught in the Hands of Fate.

by Saltandburnboys



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drugging, M/M, Manipulation, Younger!Jensen, bottom!Jensen, non-con, older!Jared, protective!Jared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-06 04:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 29,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saltandburnboys/pseuds/Saltandburnboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><span class="u"><b>Summary</b></span> – Jensen’s got a new father and a new brother, a whole new family, he’s pretty sure he never asked for.  Little does he know, the nightmare has only just begun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** \- Clearly this is an AU story; none of this ever happened. I do not own any of the actors in this story, especially not Jared or Jensen, they all belong to themselves. Jared and Jensen are not in a relationship, have never been and have no desire to be in a relationship; they are both happily married and not to each other which is awesome for both of them. With babies now!!  Michael Weatherly is not the asshole I make him in this story; I’m sure he is awesome in real life. No money was made from this story. 
> 
> Author’s note: This is based on the spn_kink meme prompt:
> 
> Complete AU! Michael Weatherly has married 19 year old Jensen's mother and moved in with his 18 year old son, Jared. Little does Jensen know but Michael only married Jensen's mom to get access to Jensen. He starts to drug Jensen and fuck him while he's unconscious. Jensen thinks he's been having sex dreams about his stepfather and is mortified by them. Michael takes complete advantage of Jensen's confusion until he's fucking Jensen while Jensen's awake too, all while making Jensen think he'd wanted it to begin with.
> 
> No preference on how Jared gets involved, if he realizes what his father is doing and stops it or if he follows his dad's example. If he follows his dad's example, would love something where Michael teaches Jared how to keep a bitch in his place and for them to DP Jensen.
> 
>  **A/N2 : **I moved this over here because I kept making mistakes on the spn_kink meme and when you’re posting anonymously, you can’t change stuff.
> 
> I’m not all that sure how much I like this one but…I’m just going to post it here anyway since I’ve spent so much time on it already. If everyone thinks it’s shit, I can always take it down.
> 
> This story will fill my ‘nightmares square on my h/c bingo card.

On to Chapter One...."> **‘Chapter One.’**

 

Jensen couldn’t believe what he was hearing; surely this was some kind of joke, ‘You’re _married?_ ’

 

His mother didn’t even turn around, despite the obvious alarm in his voice; she just nodded and continued to unpack her things. She’d just got back from a weekend trip to Vegas with her boyfriend, Michael, and _apparently_ they’d gotten married while they were there. 

 

Which was…ridiculous… _beyond_ ridiculous actually; even if you took out the tacky Vegas Wedding part of all this, they’d still only known each other for three freaking weeks! Jensen had only met the man four times, for God’s sake, and even then, he’d probably spoken, at most, five words to him; it wasn’t like there had exactly been that much time for talking when his mom had all but dragged Michael right back out the door the moment he’d arrived. 

 

It wasn’t that Jensen was particularly _against_ his mom marrying Michael; he liked what little he knew about the guy and he wanted his mom to be happy, but surely the two of them couldn’t possibly know whether they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together after a mere three weeks. ‘Yes, Jensen, Michael and I got married and he’ll be moving in here tomorrow with Jared.’

 

Jensen blinked in surprise; the hits just seemed to keep on coming. It had been a long time since anyone had lived in their house with him and his mom. And he didn’t know Jared at all; he’d never met Michael’s son, so he knew even less about the boy than he did about Michael. He _did_ know that Jared was in college, studying to be a lawyer or a doctor…or something important like that. But that was pretty much the extent of his knowledge on the guy and now they were all going to be living together? 

 

Jensen reached down to pinch his thigh, hoping that maybe this was all a nightmare and he was going to wake up and find out none of it had happened. Unfortunately, nothing changed when he twisted his fingers except for the deep ache now radiating down his thigh; he realised then, with a heavy heart, that this was most definitely not a dream, no matter how much he wanted it to be. ‘Tomorrow?’

 

His mom sighed, her back still to him, ‘Don’t make this difficult, Jensen.’ Jensen felt his cheeks heat at that and he dropped his eyes; he hated when his mom used that tone with him. He knew she still blamed him for his dad leaving, knew he was nothing but a disappointment, even though he’d done everything to try and make it up to her over the years. ‘Jared’s going to be in the room next to yours; _try_ to make him feel welcome, _please_. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you?’ 

 

‘No,’ Jensen said quietly, a weird mixture of shame and apprehension churning in his gut, as he got down from the dressing table stool and quickly left his mom’s room.


	2. Chapter Two.

b>Chapter Two.

Jensen looked up from his laptop when the doorbell rang, the nerves he’d felt the night before at having two new people coming to live in his house returning in full force. His mom shot him a pointed look as she strode past him, though, and he quickly schooled his expression into something he hoped was friendly. A moment later, Jensen heard voices in the hallway and the sound of his mom laughing as she let in his new family. He ran a nervous hand through his hair before smoothing down his shirt a couple of times. He could do this, he _could_ ; hell, it might even be nice to have an older brother; someone to look out for him, someone who’d always have his back. 

 

Jensen put on his best smile as the lounge door opened and Michael and a tall boy walked in. Jensen recognised Michael instantly, of course, and walked over, his hand outstretched, ‘Hello again, Sir.’ 

 

Michael waved a dismissive hand in Jensen’s direction, a warm smile on his face, ‘None of that Sir with me stuff, Jen; it’s just Michael.’ The man paused, his eyes locked with Jensen’s as he shook his hand, ‘Or, ya know, _Dad_.’ Jensen felt his smile fall a little because, really, what was he meant to say to that? He hadn’t even known the man for a month yet; he really didn’t think he was going to be calling him dad any time soon.

 

Thankfully, he was saved from having to find an answer, though, when the boy next to Michael playfully shoved the man out of the way, dislodging Michael’s hand from Jensen’s in the process. The boy quickly grabbed Jensen’s hand himself, ‘I’m Jared; this asshole’s kid. I’ve heard a lot about you, Jensen, I’m sure we’re gonna be great friends.’ Jensen nodded jerkily, a little taken aback by the guy’s exuberance. ‘Awesome. You wanna show me my room?’ Jared said, raising his other arm and shaking his rather large suitcase in Jensen’s direction.

 

‘Um…sure, follow me.’ Once Jared had finally surrendered Jensen’s hand, Jensen led the other boy up the stairs to the small room next to his own. It had been the guest bedroom before his mom had changed the sheets from light pink to a more masculine blue for Jared; it looked different without the random ornaments and doilies scattered all around the room. It actually looked very similar to Jensen’s own room now, only lacking the sketches and band posters that covered his walls. 

 

‘Nice,’ Jared said, clearly impressed, as he dropped his bag onto the bed. ‘This is way better than my old room.’ He turned to Jensen then, his eyes assessing, ‘So, what’re you into, Jensen; what do you like to do?’ 

 

Uncomfortable under Jared’s intense stare, Jensen just kind of blurted out the first thing that came to his head, ‘I draw.’ It was just a shade too loud in the quiet of the room, and the obviously panicked edge to the words had Jensen promptly turning a shade of red that would’ve clashed terribly with the old sheets, ‘I mean…I like to sketch a bit.’

 

Jared didn’t comment on Jensen’s awkwardness, didn’t even laugh at him, and Jensen relaxed a little, ‘Really? That’s cool; I can’t draw for shit. Can I see some of it?’ 

 

‘Uh…okay; now?’ Jensen asked, half incredulous, half excited about showing his stuff to the other boy because he couldn’t quite believe that Jared actually wanted to see it. It had been a long time since anyone had been interested in anything Jensen did. ‘Okay, come next door; I’ve got some sketches up on my wall.’

Jared followed him into his room, and Jensen couldn’t help the pleased little smile that spread across his face as Jared let out a low whistle of appreciation at his artwork. ‘Wow, Jen, these are great. This what you wanna do when you’re older?’ The taller boy reached up to pull one of the pictures down, only to stop just before his fingers made contact with the sheet, ‘Can I?’

 

Jensen nodded, ‘Yeah.’

 

Jared was looking at the black and white sketch Jensen had done of his mom about a year ago when he asked again, ‘So, is it?’

 

Jensen came to stand next to Jared, ‘Yeah, I think so. I’d like to be an artist but that’s pretty hard, ya know, so maybe I’ll just teach instead,’ Jensen replied, looking down at the portrait himself. He’d been so proud of it when he’d finished it; he remembered running to his mom to show her. She hadn’t even looked at it, it had been one of her bad days, and Jensen had almost ripped the damn thing up when he’d gotten back up to his room. He was glad now that he hadn’t; Jared looked so impressed and Jensen's whole body warmed at the sight. 

 

‘Well, I really think you could make it, I’ve never se-‘

 

A knock on the door cut Jared off, and a moment later, Jensen’s mom was poking her head inside. She looked pleased to find them both in Jensen’s room, her lips pulling into a smile as she spoke, ‘Dinner’s ready, boys, if you wanna come down and wash up.’

 

‘Sure, Donna,’ Jared said as he reattached Jensen’s picture to the wall. ‘We’ll be down in a second.’ Once she’d gone, Jared turned back to Jensen, ‘You up for a game of Halo after dinner, Jen; I have to warn you though, I’m pretty amazing at it.’ He grinned, ‘Ya know, since we’re gonna be brothers and all, I really feel I should be honest with you about my awesomeness; only fair to let you know what you’re in for.’

 

‘Wow, how _terribly_ generous of you, Jared,’ he smirked when Jared dipped his head in mock thanks, ‘but I can tell you, none of my friends has beaten me at Halo in about ten years.’ Suddenly feeling bold, he winked and added, ‘Since we’re being honest and all.’ Jared threw his head back, a bark of laughter echoing around the room and Jensen couldn’t help the way his own smile widened at the sound. Yeah, maybe this whole older brother thing wasn’t going to be so bad after all.


	3. Chapter Three.

**Chapter Three.**   


_Jensen groaned, shifting his body slightly; he felt hot, heavy, like he couldn’t move, like…like something was holding him down and…and…_

_He opened his eyes, squinting when his vision was blurred and the room spun away from him…_

_Why…why were the lights so bright…_

_And fuck…he…he hurt…his body felt like it was…on fire…_

_Burning pain…everywhere…_

_His lower back…it…hurt…fuck…_

_He was going to pass out…oh god…what was happening…_

_He wanted to scream but…but he couldn’t remember how…_

_Where was his mom…_

_Dad…_

_Jensen opened his heavy eyes again – his eyes focusing just long enough for him to see..._

_‘Michael?’ The word sounded slurred even to himself. ‘Michael…’ he tried again but his eyes were already slipping out of focus, blurring the room around him once more…his head lolled to the side, his neck too weak it hold it up anymore despite his efforts to see what was going on…_

_What was going on…his step-dad was there…in his bed…but…but…_

_Oh God…stop…please…_

 

****

Jensen awoke with a start to the shrill beeping of his alarm clock. His head was pounding painfully, so much so that the light from the window stung his eyes, and his throat was so dry, it actually hurt to swallow. He reached over to grab the glass of water he always kept on his nightstand, only to stop when every muscle screamed out in protest at the movement. 

 

God, he ached _everywhere._ Was he coming down with something? 

 

And he’d had the strangest dream last night; he couldn’t really remember anything about it but he knew he didn’t like it.

 

Rubbing his temples to try to dispel the ache in his head, Jensen reached over for the glass of water again, a little more slowly this time. Unfortunately, the moment the glass touched his lips, Jared barrelled through the door and into his room; Jensen dropped the glass in surprise, splashing water all over his sheets and his sleep shirt. _Awesome._

 

‘Oh shit! Sorry, Jen; I was just wondering if you had some toothpaste I could borrow, I left mine at my old place?’ Jared asked, somehow managing to look sheepish even while he stared blatantly at Jensen’s soaked chest. 

 

Still a little groggy, Jensen slowly followed the other boy’s gaze down to his chest; he blushed bright red when he saw that his shirt was now completely see-through and his nipples were outlined almost obscenely through the thin cotton. Crossing his arms over his chest as subtly as he could, Jensen nodded towards his bathroom, ‘Sure, help yourself.’ 

 

‘Thanks,’ Jared grinned and made his way over to Jensen’s bathroom. The sound of Jared cleaning his teeth drifted away as Jensen’s stomach took that moment to flip over dangerously; it really didn’t help that his head was still pounding or that he was starting to have trouble with his vision as well. Did he have food poisoning or something because, honestly, he’d _never_ felt this bad?

 

‘Hey, Jen, you okay? You kinda look like shit,’ Jensen jumped at the sound of Jared’s voice. He looked up at the older boy, but regretted it immediately; Jared’s face swam in and out of focus alarmingly, and that was enough to send another wave of nausea crashing through him. 

 

Oh God, he was gonna be sick. 

 

Jensen was off the bed in an instant and, by some miracle, he just about made it to the toilet in time for his dinner to make a reappearance. Jensen startled when he felt a large hand drop onto his back, ‘Jesus, man, I think you’ve got the flu.’ Jensen’s answer was lost as he retched again, his stomach spasming painfully. It wasn’t until Jensen had brought up everything in his stomach that he finally stopped heaving; he dropped his forehead onto the soothingly cool porcelain and closed his eyes. Fuck, he felt like he was dying. 

 

‘You done, Jen?’ Jensen nodded weakly and let himself be half lifted off the bathroom floor. Jared guided him back under the covers and placed a cool flannel on his forehead, ‘Okay, I think you need to stay there today. I’ll talk to your mom.’ 

 

Jensen nodded again, trying to move his aching head as little as possible. ‘Thanks,’ he croaked, just before Jared slipped out the door. 

 

‘No problem, Jen, get some sleep.’

 

Jensen was asleep before Jared had even pulled the door closed behind him.


	4. Chapter Four.

**Chapter Four.**

 

When Jensen woke up again, it was dark outside his window so he knew that at least a couple of hours had passed. But thankfully he _did_ feel better; his muscles still ached a little when he moved and his headache hadn’t completely gone but that was expected from the flu. Although, Jensen was pretty sure he’d never been as sick as he’d been that morning – must be a really nasty bug he had.

 

Deciding that he was actually feeling a little hungry now, Jensen got out of bed and quickly changed into some new clothes. He screwed up his nose as he tossed his sweat and vomit stained t-shirt and boxers into the laundry basket, glad that his mom did his laundry for him. 

 

Jensen heard the sounds of his family having dinner as he walked down the stairs; he would’ve much preferred to just grab something from the kitchen and go back up to bed, but he wanted to thank Jared properly for helping him out that morning. And, really, this was his family now; he needed to start making an effort to get to know them. Everyone sitting at the table looked up at him as he wandered in and Jensen smiled at his mom, then Jared, but when his eyes fell on Michael…

 

_So fucking beautiful…_

_So tight…_

_Knew you would be…_

 

Jensen grabbed onto the door frame, his legs suddenly weak…

 

W…what the hell? 

 

‘Jensen?’ Jared’s voice drifted through the haze in his head, and Jensen looked up to find the boy standing next to him, his expression worried.

 

‘I...’ Jensen’s voice shook as he tried to speak; hell, his _whole body_ was shaking. 

 

‘Jared, why don’t you take Jensen back up to his room; he’s obviously not ready to be out of bed yet.’ Jensen’s head shot up to look at Michael again and he got another flash of the man in his room…in his _bed_ …

 

Jared took his arm gently, whispering a soft, ‘Come on, Jen,’ before he all but dragged Jensen from the room. Feeling terribly off balance and confused, Jensen let himself be led back upstairs and into bed. 

 

He felt shaken to his very core; what had just happened? It was hours before he finally fell back to sleep again, no closer to an answer.

****

 

_‘God, yes, my beautiful, beautiful boy…such a good boy for daddy.’_

_Jensen blinked his heavy eyes open to find Michael looming over him, his face barely inches from Jensen’s own, ‘Wha…’_

_A hand clamped over his mouth, ‘Shhh, baby boy; you gonna be a good boy?’ Jensen frowned at the words, trying to get his brain to work out what they meant and…and why Michael was saying them to him. But every time, Jensen was sure he had it, the thought just flittered away, leaving his brain fuzzy and useless again._

_Unsure and more than a little confused, Jensen nodded; he was a good boy…he always did what his mom told him…he was…good…he was…_

_He whimpered at the strange fullness he felt…the odd pressure against him…it hurt…he tried to pull away from it but he couldn’t..._

_Because Michael’s other hand was on his shoulder…holding him down..._

_God, why…why was Michael on top of him? Why was he in Jensen’s room at all?_

_Jensen shook his head, trying desperately to piece everything he was seeing together…trying desperately to see through the fog clouding his sluggish thoughts…_

_He cried out when the pressure increased suddenly, pushing into him, burning him..._

_Michael was moving on top of him…against him…_

_Jensen jolted, everything becoming clear for just a moment…_

_Michael was…it was Michael…he was…he was inside Jensen. Moving inside him…_

_No…_

_No!!_

_Jensen tried to push Michael off him but nothing happened; his arms felt heavy, like dead weights at his sides, and he couldn’t get them more than an inch off the bed before they dropped back down to his sides._

_‘Hold still!’ Michael hissed but Jensen continued to struggle as much as his uncooperative body allowed…he didn’t…he didn’t want this…_

_Michael’s hand shifted to cover Jensen’s nose as well, cutting off his air. Panicked, Jensen’s struggles increased but he couldn’t get free of Michael’s hold…it wasn’t long before his vision faded and fell into darkness._

 

****

Jensen woke up gasping. 

 

He immediately grabbed the bin from the side of his bed and threw up. Michael had…he’d…rap…Michael had…

 

Jensen threw up again, loud enough that he didn’t hear his bedroom door opening. The next thing he knew, someone was sitting on his bed and reaching for him. Jensen raised his head, his eyes still watering from vomiting, only to find Michael on his bed. He scrambled backwards, dropping the bin on the floor in the process and scattering vomit across the carpet. ‘Jen?’ the man asked, his brow furrowed, ‘Are you alright?’

 

‘Get…get away from me,’ Jensen choked out. He needed this man out of his room right now; then he needed to tell his mom what her new _husband_ had done to him. And Jared; Jensen would have to tell Jared as well because Michael shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near either of them. 

 

‘What are you talking about, buddy? You need me to get your mom?’ And it hit Jensen then how _normal_ Michael sounded. He didn’t sound like someone who’d just rap… _hurt_ him; he didn’t sound guilty or angry or turned on. He didn’t even sound worried that Jensen might tell on him…no, he just sounded _confused_ , like he had no idea why Jensen was afraid of him.

 

Which just didn’t make a lick of sense after what he’d done last night. Unless…

 

Had it all been a…a dream? Had Jensen dreamed about his stepdad _fucking_ him last night? The longer the older man stared at him in bewilderment, the more likely that scenario sounded. 

 

Jensen didn’t make it to the toilet this time before he threw up.


	5. Chapter Five.

**Chapter Five.**

 

It had been months since Jensen’s first dream about his stepdad and he’d had plenty more in the meantime. He spent half his time curled around the toilet and the other half hiding from his family; he could barely _even_ look at his mom. What kind of son fantasised about their mom’s new husband? A fucked up one, that was for sure.

 

Obviously, Jensen stayed as far away from Michael as possible, and Jared, well, Jensen tried to avoid the other boy’s concerned gaze at all costs as well. He was pretty sure that Jared wouldn’t have been feeling so generous had he known where Jensen’s dreams had been going lately. 

 

And Jensen was remembering more now, more than just odd flashes of the dreams. And what he _did_ remember, made him sick. What the fuck was wrong with him?

 

‘What do you think, Jen?’ 

 

Jensen startled a little at Jared’s question because he’d completely zoned out of the conversation his family was having; too damn busy dwelling on his own sickness to really be able to focus on what was going on in their lives right then. ‘Sorry, what?’ he asked, turning his face slightly towards Jared, but not enough that he’d have to look into the other boy’s eyes. 

 

‘For God’s sake, Jensen, wake up!’ his mom hissed. ‘I don’t know what’s been wrong with you lately, but you better snap out of it.’ Jensen shrank into himself, dropping his hands into his lap, and feeling like the lowest form of scum on the planet. He knew his mom would never forgive him if he messed up this thing with Michael; she’d been a complete mess after his dad had left, and she hadn’t loved him half as much as she seemed to love Michael.

 

‘Sor-’

 

‘If you hadn’t noticed, _Donna_ , Jensen’s sick,’ Jared jumped to his defence, his hand settling on Jensen’s knee under the table. Jensen knew he should shake it off, knew it was wrong to accept comfort from Jared when Jared didn’t know, but when the hand squeezed his knee reassuringly, Jensen just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt so awful and _disgusting_ and so damn alone right then, he just _needed_ it. It was selfish but…but he couldn’t help it. ‘I think he needs to go to the doctor.’

 

‘Jared, don’t interfere,’ Michael barked from across the table, his voice harsher than Jensen had ever heard him use with his son. 

 

‘But I-’

 

 _‘Jared_ ,’ Michael said again and Jared shut up; a moment later, Jensen heard his knife and fork scraping on his plate as he went back to his dinner. But Jared’s hand stayed on Jensen’s knee – there were no words for how much that small comfort meant to Jensen. Even if it was a lie, even if there was no way Jared would offer it if he knew, it was all the comfort Jensen had.


	6. Chapter Six.

**Chapter Six.**

 

The soft click of his bedroom door closing was enough to have Jensen opening his eyes and looking up from his bed. It was damn near pitch black in his room but Jensen could just about make out the tall figure walking towards his bed. This was way more vivid than any dream Jensen had ever had before; he didn’t feel groggy for one thing, and his head wasn’t spinning the way it usually did when Michael appeared in his dreams. Jensen pinched himself to make sure and when he didn’t wake up, when the figure didn’t disappear, Jensen reached over to turn his bedroom lamp on. 

 

Michael sat down on his bed, the lamp casting light on an expression Jensen had never seen outside his own head. He pinched himself under the covers again but nothing happened…Michael didn’t go anywhere, ‘Michael…can I…what is it?’

 

His step-dad scooted up the bed and placed his hand high on Jensen’s leg where it lay under the covers, the man’s fingers resting far too close to Jensen’s crotch for the touch to be remotely fatherly. Jensen felt himself start to shake as he stared at Michael’s hand. At Michael’s very _real_ hand…this wasn’t happening; this _couldn’t_ be happening. 

 

‘I think you know, don’t you, Jensen?’ Michael slid his hand further up Jensen’s thigh, making it perfectly clear what he’d come into Jensen’s room for, but Jensen just shook his head, completely unable to process what was happening. No…this couldn’t…

 

Jensen could feel his breath shuddering out with every exhale, could feel the sweat beading on the back of his neck as his heart pounded frantically in his chest. Before that moment, Jensen never would’ve believed that there could’ve been anything scarier than the dreams ( _nightmares_ ) he’d been having over the last few months, but Michael sitting there on his bed, _really_ sitting there and touching him, was so much more terrifying. 

 

‘I’ve heard you, Jensen, calling my name every night. I’ve come to give you what you _so_ obviously want.’ Jensen’s breath hitched as Michael’s hand reached up to cup his crotch, ‘ _Everything_ you want, baby boy.’

 

The hated nickname snapped Jensen out of his stupor like a slap in the face; he _didn’t_ want this. He just needed to explain to Michael that…that this had all been a terrible misunderstanding, that he hadn’t meant to dream about him, ‘No, please, I’m sorry. I don’t want that…this…I don’t know why I had those drea…’

 

Michael pressed a finger against Jensen’s lips to silence him and, just for a second, Jensen let himself hope that his stepfather had understood what he’d been trying to say. That hope died though, when Michael smoothed the finger across his lips in a gesture possessive enough to send another wave of tremors through Jensen’s body, ‘Shhh…it’s alright, sweetheart, I know what you want.’

 

Jensen shook his head again, ‘No!’ 

 

Michael’s eyes narrowed and his hand moved back to Jensen’s thigh, gripping hard, as he hissed, ‘Don’t you dare say no to me, boy. Not when you’ve been teasing me since the moment I stepped in the fucking door.’

 

‘I haven’t-’

 

‘ _Really_ , Jenny?’ Michael asked, his eyebrow cocked in disbelief. ‘So you haven’t been dreaming about me? You haven’t been fantasising about me doing _just_ this?’ The man ran his hand down Jensen’s thigh slowly, almost tenderly, and Jensen’s stomach turned over at the touch.

But it _was_ familiar; Jensen had dreamed of Michael touching him like that countless times. He flushed, his eyes filling with tears as hot shame burned across his skin, ‘It’s not like that. I don’t...’ _enjoy it. I don’t want it…_

 

‘That’s _exactly_ what it’s like, Jensen. You fucking seduced your _own_ mother’s husband…Jesus, kid, what the hell is _wrong_ with you?’ Jensen flinched, a tear rolling down his flushed cheek; he’d been asking himself that same question for months. 

 

So lost in his own despair, Jensen barely even felt Michael’s thumb wipe the tear from his cheek, barely heard the man’s softly whispered words, ‘But it’s okay, baby boy, I don’t mind. I’m your dad and it’s my job to take care of you, even if you are a whore.’ 

 

Jensen’s mouth fell open in shock; no-one had ever called him that and…and he wasn’t one, right? Jensen had never had sex with anyone for real before but…the dreams…the _dirtywrong_ fantasies in his head…was Michael right? Before Jensen could sort out his increasingly tangled thoughts, Michael slid his thumb inside Jensen’s gaped mouth and pressed it down against his tongue, ‘See, look at that, Jen. Only a dirty little slut would sit there sucking on my thumb with your mom and _my son_ so close.’

 

Mortified, Jensen’s eyes flickered to his bedroom door; if Michael had heard his dreams, then surely Jared must’ve done too - he was only next door after all. The thought was horrifying enough that Jensen didn’t even notice that Michael was pulling down his covers until the cool air of the room hit his bare skin. He pulled his head away instantly, dislodging the older man’s thumb, and dove for the sheets but his fingers barely even touched the thin cotton as Michael tossed them out of reach.

 

And then Michael was pushing him back on the bed, the man’s voice low in his ear, ‘And don’t worry, I won’t tell your mom what you’ve been doing to me ‘cause, let’s face it, we both know she really doesn’t need another reason to hate you.’ Jensen flinched; his mom _hated_ him? Truly hated him? Fear sliced through him like a rusty dagger; if she ever found out about this, about his _dreams_ , she’d never forgive him. Hell, she’d probably get rid of him for good and Jensen couldn’t let that happen - she was all he had, she meant _everything_ to him. ‘It can be our little secret, Jenny. Now take these off.’ Michael pointed to Jensen’s pants and, after a tense moment, Jensen did. He closed his eyes as they dropped to floor with a quiet thud. 

 

This was his fault after all – he’d…he’d asked for this, _begged_ for it in his dreams… he was clearly so fucked up, maybe he really _did_ want it... 

 

It hurt when Michael finally pushed into him and Jensen was glad; he deserved to hurt after what he’d done, after what he was making Michael do. He was sick and depraved and people like him deserved to be punished. 

 

As soon as Michael pulled out, Jensen turned over onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow, fresh tears breaking free before he could stop them. He couldn’t help but cringe when he felt Michael’s hand drop onto his shoulder and smooth down his spine. 

 

How could he have dreamed of this? How could he have _wanted_ this when the man’s every touch sent icy shards slicing through his skin and cutting him so deep Jensen felt raw, _hollowed out_ , inside.

 

Michael was right…what the hell was _wrong_ with him?


	7. Chapter Seven.

**Chapter Seven.**

**Jared.**

 

Jared had never felt so completely and utterly helpless in his life; Jensen was literally wasting away right before his eyes, and he had absolutely no idea why. It just made no goddamn sense; there were pictures of the kid scattered all over the house, pictures of him smiling and happy, eyes bright as he posed for the camera…looking at Jensen now, no-one would ever have believed he was the same boy as the one captured in those photos. 

 

Jared had tried countless times to find out what was wrong, but he was no closer to the truth now than he had been when this all started. It didn’t help that Jensen barely even spoke to him anymore; hell, most days, the boy went straight up to his room after school, opting to have his dinner up there instead of with the rest of the family. Jared could tell that Donna was getting worried now too, and while he thought she was a little too caught up in his dad, he could see that she did care about Jensen. And, in Jared’s opinion, her concern wasn’t unwarranted. 

 

Tonight was the first time in weeks that his dad had insisted Jensen join them for dinner and it really wasn’t going well at all. The boy was sat across from Jared, eyes fixed on the food he was pushing around his plate; the food he was, once again, not eating. And Jared just couldn’t help staring at him…not in a good way, though, not in the way he’d stared at Jensen when they’d first met. To be honest, back then, Jared had felt a little blindsided by the boy’s looks, by his perfect features and his equally perfect slim, toned body; he hadn’t been prepared for Jensen to be so pretty. But now…now Jensen just looked sick; his face pale and gaunt and shadowed. The weight he’d lost over the last few months left his clothes baggy, all but hanging off his thin, disappearing frame. And on the rare occasions that Jensen actually managed to raise his eyes from the floor, or his shoes or the table, they looked haunted; undercut with dark circles left by demons Jared so desperately wanted to chase away. 

 

‘So, Jen, how did your art project go? Did Sanders like those sketches you did up at the lake?’ Jared asked, even though it wasn’t the question he really he wanted the answer to. No, what he really wanted to know was where all Jensen’s sketches had gone? The ones that had covered his walls when Jared had first moved in? Because they certainly weren’t stuck up there anymore and hadn’t been in months. Jared just hoped they weren’t lying in a dumpster somewhere.

 

Jensen just shook his head in response, his eyes firmly on his plate.

 

And wow, that was not the answer he’d expected. Jared might know jack shit about art but even he could tell that Jensen had some real talent; he was surprised the kid’s teacher couldn’t see it as well, ‘Seriously? Well, then the guy’s obviously an idio-’

 

‘No…I…I didn’t hand it in,’ Jensen admitted quietly. 

 

‘Jensen?’ Donna asked and Jared could hear the stunned disbelief in her voice. In truth, he couldn’t really blame her for sounding so shocked; his dad had told him before they’d even moved in what a good student Jensen was; that he was a shoe in for Valedictorian at the end of the year. The idea of him not finishing a project was out of character to say the least. ‘Why on earth not?’

 

‘It…it wasn’t any good…it wasn’t _right_ …I just…I didn’t like it,’ Jensen stammered, his voice dropping further. 

 

‘That’s ridiculous, Jen, everything you draw is great,’ Jared replied, aiming what he hoped was a reassuringly smile at the younger boy; the gesture was wasted, of course, because Jensen still didn’t look up from his plate.

A few moments of uncomfortable silence passed, the air tense and thick, and then Jared heard a sound that broke his heart. 

 

Jensen was crying. 

 

Jared was by the boy’s side in an instant, ‘Oh, Jen, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you.’ He laid a comforting hand on Jensen’s thigh, but the boy flinched away from him so violently that he fell off his chair and onto the floor. 

 

‘Don’t…don’t touch me…’ Jensen choked out, his green eyes wide and desperate, and his body shaking so badly he looked like he was about to come out of his skin. 

 

Completely stunned by the kid’s reaction, Jared quickly pulled his hands away, ‘Okay, okay, no-one’s touching you, Jen, you’re alright.’

 

Jensen nodded but Jared could see that he was still shaking, could see the small tremors coursing through the boy’s limbs as he climbed back into his chair. ‘S…sorry, I just…I’m not feeling very well.’

 

Jared noticed Jensen shiver when his dad placed a hand on his forehead, ‘He does feel a little warm.’ Sliding his hand round to the back of Jensen’s neck, the man added, ‘Maybe he should go on up to bed?’ 

 

Jared was torn; Jensen really did look like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world than sitting at the dining room table right then, but the boy’s plate was still almost completely full. Jensen had hardly eaten anything, and Jared seriously didn’t like the idea of him missing yet another meal. 

 

‘I don’t-’

 

‘Yes, of course. You go up to bed, Jen; we don’t want you coming down with something, do we?’ Donna interrupted, all but drowning Jared out, and he could barely keep the irritated scowl off his face. The woman reeked of desperation, and she was clearly ignoring her son’s issues in favour of impressing his dad. Donna was good for the man, Jared knew that; his dad had been talking about marrying her since their first date, but Jared really didn’t like the fact that Jensen was suffering because of their relationship. It wasn’t fair and it certainly wasn’t right; there was clearly something terribly wrong going on with the boy, and no-one but Jared seemed all that concerned as to finding out what that something might be. 

 

But the decision had obviously been made, and Jared could only watch as Jensen slid off his chair and silently made his way out of the room…his dinner left behind on the table.


	8. Chapter Eight.

**Chapter Eight.**

**Jared.**

 

When Jared went up to bed several hours later, he decided to check on Jensen before turning in. He opened the door slowly, choosing not to knock; he really didn’t want to wake the kid if he was asleep. Jensen clearly needed all the sleep he could get at the moment. 

 

Jensen wasn’t asleep though, and Jared had never seen anyone look so terrified as he stepped into the room. ‘Jen?’ The boy’s expression relaxed almost instantly when Jared stepped into the light radiating from Jensen’s bedside lamp, but the fear wasn’t completely gone, and Jensen’s eyes kept darting nervously over Jared’s shoulder to the bedroom door. ‘Is it the storm?’ Jared asked; Jensen was a little old to still be scared of thunderstorms, but it wasn’t exactly an uncommon fear; besides, it was the only thing Jared was able to think of that could have Jensen so scared in his own house. 

 

Jensen looked confused for a moment, but then a flash of light lit up the room and the kid’s head whirled round to the window. He nodded as soon as the light had faded, his fingers still gripping the covers tightly to his chest. Jared smiled; it was pretty damn adorable actually, and he couldn’t help the protective wave that swept through him at the sight of Jensen clutching at his bedsheets. Hoping to provide some form of comfort, Jared quickly moved to sit down on Jensen’s bed. 

 

Jensen’s head instantly swung back towards him, green eyes wide and uncertain as he took in Jared sitting on his bed, but Jared just dropped a hand onto Jensen’s knee and squeezed softly, ‘It’s alright; it’s just a little lightning. It can’t hurt you.’

 

**Jensen.**

 

Jensen stared at Jared’s huge hand where it rested on his knee. He knew that he should pull away; he was dirty, _disgusting_ …Jared shouldn’t be touching him. The guy wouldn’t _want_ to touch him if he knew; wouldn’t want anything to do with him, and Jensen’s heart broke just a little bit more because Jared was nice and kind and Jensen really, really liked him. He didn’t want Jared to hate him. 

 

Everything was so tangled up, so wrong, and Jensen was just _exhausted_ , worn down and worn out by it all…he honestly wasn’t sure how much more he could take. And, right then, that gentle touch to his knee was just too much…suddenly, he could feel it all bubbling up inside him; the guilt, the apologies, the _pleas_ for Jared not to hate him…to save him…and, just for a moment, Jensen completely forgot all the reasons why he shouldn’t, why he _couldn’t_ , tell Jared…he needed… _god_ , he needed help…ʽI…’

 

…And then the door swung open and Michael walked in, slamming Jensen back to reality and leaving him reeling at what he’d almost just done. 

 

Firmly pushing the sick feeling in his stomach aside, now was not the time to worry about ‘what ifs,’ not when Michael and Jared were _both_ in his room. Jensen looked up at the two men, and he could truly say that he didn’t know who looked more surprised right then; Jared or his dad. 

 

Michael recovered quickly, though, the shock sliding off his face and that damn smile taking its place. In that moment, Jensen couldn’t see anything of Jared in the man; Jared had never smiled like that. No, Jared’s smile was nothing but genuine and warm, and Jensen knew that if he was a different boy, if he wasn’t so fucked in the head, he could easily have gotten lost in it. ‘Just seeing if Jensen needed anything before I went to bed.’

 

Jared’s face smoothed out as well, buying the lie instantly, and why wouldn’t he? Michael was his dad after all; _Michael_ was Jared’s family, not Jensen, and he suddenly realised just how freaking stupid it had been of him to think of asking Jared for help. Even if it had been in a moment of utter madness, the idea was beyond ridiculous. Completely oblivious to Jensen’s inner turmoil, Jared nodded, ‘Yeah, me too. But I think he’s okay now. Right, Jen?’

 

They were both staring at him now, and Jensen just didn’t know where to look, didn’t know what to say. ‘Yeah, I…I’m good.’

Jared patted him once on the knee before he stood up, and Jensen had to bite his tongue to keep from begging him to stay. He was well aware that he didn’t deserve Jared’s protection, no matter how much he might want it; not when he’d started all this, not when it was his fault Michael visited him in the night. ‘Well, I’m just across the hall if you need anything. And remember, I have a _huge_ candy stash in my room if you get hungry. But don’t tell anyone okay,’ Jared tapped his nose once, ‘it’ll be our little secret.’ Jensen flinched at the hauntingly familiar words, his eyes darting up towards Michael for a second before returning to Jared’s earnest face. 

 

‘S…sure, thanks,’ he said, hoping his smile wasn’t as weak as it felt. 

 

‘Okay, good night, Jen.’ Jared walked past Michael, before stopping in the doorway and asking, ‘You coming, dad?’

 

Jensen swallowed nervously at the hard look on Michael’s face; the man was angry with him, he knew it. He wasn’t sure what he’d done; he hadn’t _told_ Jared anything, hadn’t shown him what they did together – but, nevertheless, he knew he’d done something wrong…and no doubt he’d pay for it soon enough.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine.  
  
  
Jared.  
  
  
It was late, well past one in the morning, but Jared couldn’t sleep; his head was just too full of Jensen, too busy worrying about him, to shut down. The kid had come home today looking paler and more exhausted than Jared had ever seen him, and that was saying something given how rundown Jensen _always_ looked these days. And Jared had had enough; Jensen might not be his real brother, but Jared still cared an awful lot about him and he was through letting Jensen try to sort this out himself. Whatever it was, the kid clearly couldn’t handle it on his own, so Jared was going to have to help him. He _needed_ to help him.  
  
  
It was probably something simple anyway, some teenage problem that seemed like the end of the world to Jensen but actually wasn’t all that bad. Heck, Jared might even be able to give him some advice; it wasn’t that long ago that he was a teenager himself, after all. He could remember all too well the pressures of high school; the need to be popular, to fit in, to impress his dad. And it had to be so much worse for Jensen; where Jensen was quiet and reserved, Jared had always been confident and easy going. That coupled with a guaranteed spot on the basketball team, he’d never had much to worry about in the popularity stakes. But Jensen wasn’t like that. Jensen’s shyness must’ve made it pretty hard for him to make friends; hell, according to Jared’s dad, the kid had never even had a girlfriend, despite the fact that he’d almost finished high school. And bullies thrived on shit like that. Jensen was just the sort of kid assholes like that would target, and Jared wasn’t sure if Jensen had it in him to just laugh that stuff off. It made Jared mad just thinking about it, and if that was what was going on, if that was what had hurt Jensen so badly, well, Jared was going to be kicking some serious butt in the near future.  
  
  
Finally giving up on sleep, Jared climbed out of bed and grabbed his laptop from his bag. He figured he might as well make a start on helping Jensen since the kid was the reason he couldn’t freaking sleep anyway, and he just hoped that if he got, at least, an idea of what he was dealing with, he could maybe get a little shut-eye tonight.  
  
  
Jared sat back down on his bed and quickly booted the computer up, tapping the keys impatiently until the Google search bar flashed up. He wasn’t really sure what to look for, so, at a loss for anything better, he just typed in some of Jensen’s new behaviours. That should throw out something at any rate; maybe give him a starting point.  
  
  
\- Increasingly withdrawn, introverted, insomnia, weight loss, anxiety, jumpiness, no appetite, dislike of being touched.  
  
  
Jared clicked enter and reached over to grab the half empty packet of Doritos lying on his night stand; when he looked back, though, the bag slipped from his fingers as he stared at the screen in shock. _Oh god._  
  
  
‘Abuse.’  
  
  
The word littered the entire page, screaming at Jared with every fucking link what had really been going on. Before that moment, Jared would never have thought a single word could make him feel so sick that he was in real danger of throwing up. But as sick as he felt, and as much as he didn’t want to even _consider_ the possibility that it might be true, it did make sense. It made so much sense that Jared almost couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it. _How_ could he not have seen it? How long had it been going on? Why hadn’t Jensen _said_ anything?  
  
Jared’s eyes darted over to the connecting wall between his room and Jensen’s as though he could see the boy through it, if he just looked hard enough. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, his hands already clenched into fists, when an even more disturbing question entered his mind - who the fuck was doing it? A wave of anger so strong he was practically shaking with it swept through him at the idea of someone taking advantage of the sweet boy in the next room.  
  
  
Taking a deep breath, Jared reached out with unsteady hands to open the first link. It wasn’t until he was about half way down the page that he realised how terribly out of his depth he was; he hadn’t known Jensen nearly long enough to help him through something like this. But Jensen had friends, right? Jared was positive he’d seen a short kid hanging out here several times when he and his dad had first moved in…Karl, Ken, Kane? Something like that, anyway. Jared’s stomach churned uncomfortably when he realised that he hadn’t seen that boy in months; had Jensen cut him out just like he had his family?  
  
  
Jared closed the laptop and placed it on the floor beside his bed; he was sure he’d need it again before all this was over, but there was something he needed to do first, something he couldn’t do tonight. He needed to find out who this fucker was and make sure he never laid a hand on Jensen again. Jared just hoped he’d be able to keep himself from killing the guy, but he’d make no promises on that score. None at all.  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Jensen.**   
  
  
‘Hey, Jen, wait up; I’m gonna give you a ride to school,’ Jared called just as Jensen pulled open the front door.  
  
  
Jensen looked over his shoulder in surprise, ‘What?’  
  
  
‘I’m going into town anyway, thought I might as well drop you off,’ Jared shrugged as he walked towards Jensen, a slice of toast in one hand and his keys in the other.  
  
  
‘You really don’t nee-’  
  
  
‘I want to,’ Jared said, all but pushing Jensen out the door and into his truck.  
  
  
Jensen eyes darted desperately between the passenger door handle and the front porch as he tried to think of a plausible reason why he couldn’t accept a lift from Jared, a reason why he had to get out of the older boy’s truck right then. And he needed to come up with it soon before Michael left for work; he didn’t even want to think what the man would do if he saw Jensen sitting in Jared’s front seat. Michael had been very clear that he didn’t want Jensen anywhere near Jared, let alone talking to him. He’d been so angry the other night…

 

_‘He doesn’t know, Jensen; he doesn’t know what you are. Do you really think he’d want anything to do with you if he did?’_

 

_‘Isn’t it enough that you’re making me do this, you wanna taint my son with your sin as well?’_

 

_‘Fucking filthy whore…’_

 

  
‘Jensen?’ Jared’s voice pulled Jensen back to the present, and he realised with a jolt of panic that they’d already left the driveway. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ ‘Where were you just now?’ Jensen bit his lip and turned to look out the window as he did his best to ignore the concern lacing the Jared’s words. He didn’t deserve it, especially not from Jared. ‘You know you can talk to me, Jen. You can tell me anything.’  
  
  
Anything? Jensen swallowed down a bitter laugh; he was pretty damn sure ‘anything’ didn’t include this. He could just imagine what Jared would do if he found out that Jensen had fucking _seduced_ his dad, had lured him in with his sick fantasies.  
  
  
And that was only half of it. The things Jensen and his step-dad got up to when everyone else was sleeping disgusted _him_ , fuck only knew what Jared would think of them. ‘Or maybe your mom…or my dad.’ Jensen flinched at Jared’s casual mention of his father, the searing guilt he always felt around the older boy flaring up and making his stomach churn. Jared must’ve noticed his reaction since he quickly added, ‘He cares about you, Jensen; he’s really worried…Jen?’  
  
  
‘I’m fine,’ Jensen lied, his voice hoarse as he tried to get himself back under control – bursting into tears really wouldn’t do anything to persuade Jared to drop this increasing dangerous conversation.  
  
  
Jared sighed, sounding disappointed, and Jensen slumped down in his seat just a little bit more. ‘Of course you are.’ They fell into uncomfortable silence then, the air heavy and thick between them, and the rest of the drive seem to last an eternity. Jensen didn’t think he’d ever been so glad to see the gates in front of his school when they finally pulled into the parking lot twenty minutes later. ‘Do you want me to pick you up?’ Jared asked as Jensen pulled on the handle and pushed the door open before the truck had even come to a stop.  
  
  
Jensen shook his head as he quickly climbed out of the truck, eager to get away from his step brother and all that awkward tension. But just before he closed the door, he caught the hurt look on Jared’s face and instantly felt like the world’s biggest heel. It wasn’t Jared’s fault that Jensen had made such a mess of everything, so he gave the older boy the most genuine smile he could muster up right then and said, ‘Thanks, Jared.’  
  
  
Jared gave him a wide grin of his own, ‘No problem, Jen, whatever you need.’  
  
  
That was enough to wipe the weak smile right off Jensen’s face. The one thing he needed wasn’t something Jared could give.  
  
  
Jared couldn’t give him salvation.  
  
  
 **Jared. **  
  
  
Jared waited until Jensen had disappeared into the school before he parked his truck and jumped out. He had a pretty good idea what Jensen’s friend looked like even though he’d only met him a few times; he just hoped the kid hadn’t gotten to school yet. Half an hour passed and Jared was about to give up and go home when a battered motorbike skidded into the parking lot. Jared watched as the leather-clad rider came to a stop, climbed off and dropped his helmet on the seat.  
  
  
Jared put on his friendliest smile and walked over to the kid, ‘Hey, there…’ He faltered slightly at the angry glare shot in his direction. Huh, maybe he’d made a mistake? ‘Um…Kane?’  
  
  
‘Yeah, I’m Kane, and you’re Weatherly.’ Jared nodded slowly, puzzled as to why the kid looked like he wanted to kill him. ‘I kind of wasn’t expecting ever to see you again since Jen doesn’t seem all that keen on me coming over anymore.’ His eyes narrowed further as he looked up at Jared, ‘But since you’re here and all, maybe you can tell me what the fuck your problem is?’  
  
  
‘My Problem?’ Jared asked, completely lost now - it felt like he’d missed half of this conversation.  
  
  
‘Yeah, asshole, you mind explaining to me with why I can’t come round to my best friend’s house anymore?’  
  
  
‘I don’t-’  
  
  
‘And what the hell you’ve _done_ to him?’ Kane strode up to Jared then, not stopping until he was barely an inch away from him. The guy might’ve been at least half a foot shorter than Jared, but what he lacked in height, he certainly made up for in guts. ‘If you’ve hurt him, I swear to _God_ , I’ll kill you.’  
  
  
Jared took a step back, his hands held up in surrender, ‘Woah. I haven’t done anything to him, I swear.’ Kane didn’t look like he believed him for a second, and Jared couldn’t blame him; he wasn’t exactly making a great first impression. And really, he probably should’ve expected this; if _he’d_ noticed something was wrong with Jensen, then, of course, the boy’s best friend would’ve picked up on it as well. ‘But I think someone has. I don’t who, but I want to find the fucker just as much as you do.’  
  
  
Kane stared at him for a long moment, assessing him. Jared had no idea what the kid was looking for, but he must have found it because he eventually nodded and held out his hand, ‘Chris.’  
  
  
Relieved, Jared smiled and took the boy’s hand, pumping it firmly once, ‘Jared.’ It felt really good to finally have someone on his side in all this.  
  
  
‘Come on, let’s go get a coffee,’ Chris said, pulling back his hand and nodding towards his bike.  
  
  
Jared frowned, ‘Don’t you have class?’  
  
  
‘Yeah, but Jen’s a little more important than high school English, don’t you think?’ Chris shot back, already walking over to his bike.  
  
  
'Alright,’ Jared conceded, ‘but we’re taking my truck. I’m not all that keen on having my first motorcycle ride on the back of an eighteen year old’s bike. No offence.’  
  
  
Chris smirked, ‘Yeah... _I’m_ not all that eager to get up close and personal with you either, gramps. _No offence_.’  
  
  
Jared grinned, ‘None taken.’ He slid into the driver’s seat of his truck and reached across to open the passenger door for Chris, ‘Get in…Short Stuff.’  
  
  
The kid glared back at him as climbed in and did up his seatbelt, ‘Just for that, you’re paying.’ Jared nodded and started the engine, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.  



	11. Chapter Eleven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Sorry, sorry, sorry, this hasn’t been updated in so long; it’s been a little neglected in favour of finishing a couple of other stories. Plus, my motivation to write wanes every time I see some nasty comment on the net (even not directed at me; it just makes me kind of sad) or read something new about season eight – I’m more than sure I’m gonna hate the whole thing. :-( But…anywho, here’s the next chapter to this one. Hope you guys like it. 
> 
> This story will fill my ‘nightmares square on my h/c bingo card.

**Chapter Ten.**  
  
  
 **Jared.**  
  
  
‘He’s barely spoken a word to me in months,’ Chris began as soon as their waitress had walked away.  ‘I thought I’d done something at first; I can be of bit of an ass without realising it sometimes.  But then he told me that you didn’t want me coming round anymore and I knew it had to be something more.  I mean, his old man never liked me all that much, but Jensen never let that stop us from hanging out when he was still around.’  
  
  
Jared shook his head, ‘I never said Jensen couldn’t have his friends over.’  
  
  
Chris rolled his eyes in response and dragged his coffee cup closer.  ‘I know that _now,_ dumbass, but Jensen had never lied to me before so I believed him.  He said you’d just come home from college and wanted your space and, yeah, I thought you were a bit of jerk for it, but I wasn’t gonna kick up a fuss about it.  Jensen’s got enough to worry about in that house without me adding to it…his mom’s _kind_ of obsessed with your dad, dude.’    
  
  
‘Yeah, I know,’ Jared agreed quietly, staring into his own coffee.  He knew all too well how obsessed Donna was with his dad and he didn’t like it one bit, not when it meant the woman had no time for her son.    The son who _desperately_ needed her, now more than ever.  
  
  
‘She’s always been like that,’ Chris said with a sigh.  ‘Don’t get me wrong, she loves Jen…she just…doesn’t put him first…never has.  She’s so desperate not to end up alone that everything falls by the wayside when she finds a new guy, and she focuses all her energy on him.  To be honest, I think that’s exactly what drove Jensen’s dad away.  Ironic, huh?’  Chris ran a hand through his hair, ‘And Jen lets her.  He does everything for her, would give _anything_ for her to just see him but…’ the boy shrugged and took a sip of his coffee.     
  
  
A few moments of tense silence passed before Jared was able to force out his next words - the words that had brought them both here, ‘I think he’s being abused.’  He didn’t look up as he said it; he just reached for a second packet of sugar and stirred it into his coffee.  His hands shook around the silver spoon as he fought to keep from hurling the cup at the wall in frustration, fought to keep from dropping his head into his hands in despair.      
  
  
‘Yeah, me too,’ Chris said, his voice weary in a way that an eighteen year old’s should never be, and it broke Jared’s heart to hear it; both these kids were just too young to be dealing with this shit.  ‘I figured it out a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been trying to get him to talk to me about it since then, but he just clams up the moment I even hint at it.  Or he makes up some bullshit excuse and runs away.  Honestly, up until this morning, I thought it was you and I was about ready to deck you when I saw you in the parking lot, but _obviously_ it’s not.  It’s just…all this started when you moved into his house.’  
  
  
Jared nodded; admittedly, it was a pretty strange coincidence so he couldn’t fault Chris for jumping to that conclusion, but since Jared knew it wasn’t him, they could move on from that.  ‘Any new teachers at your school?  Anyone who’s taken a special interest in Jensen?’  
  
  
‘We’ve got a new Chem teacher but I’ve never even seen him speak to Jen.’  Chris looked down at his coffee then, his fingers tapping nervously against the side of the cup, and when he spoke again, he sounded unsure for the first time since Jared had met him, ‘Well…there is Mr Morgan.  He’s our History teacher and he’s always keeping Jen behind after class, but I…I always thought he was a good guy, you know; he seemed to really care about Jensen.’  Chris’ eyes darted up to meet his Jared’s and Jared could see the guilt there, ‘I would _never_ have left him alone if I thought anything was going on, you have to believe me; Jen…he’s…he’s like my brother.’  
  
  
Jared dropped a hand onto Chris’ arm, hoping to calm the boy down and maybe offer him some comfort at the same time, ‘I get it.  It’s not your fault, Chris.  It’s no-one’s fault but the asshole who’s doing this.’  Chris nodded but Jared was sure that if it turned out Morgan _was_ their guy, the kid would never forgive himself for ‘letting’ it go on for so long.  ‘Is he in school today?’  Jared asked, wanting to get this over as soon as possible.  He had no idea how they were going to catch Morgan, but he was determined to do it before the bastard could get his hands on Jensen again.  The man had done enough damage already.    
  
  
Chris shook his head, ‘No, he doesn’t work on Wednesdays, but he’s in tomorrow.  What are you gonna do?’  And in spite of all the leather and tattoos, the hard façade this kid gave off to the world, Jared could see, plain as day, that Chris needed him to take the lead on this.  Hell, Jared could sympathise; he desperately wanted someone older and wiser to come and sort this out for him too.  He thought again about going to his dad for help.  The man would know how to handle this so much better than Jared, and he clearly cared an awful lot about Jensen; every time his dad looked at the boy, Jared could see just how much he cared.  But he dismissed the idea once again; if Jensen had wanted their parents to know then he would’ve told them himself.  Jensen had had enough taken away from him already, he didn’t need Jared taking that decision away as well.  
  
  
‘I don’t know.  Maybe I could come to your classroom and pick Jensen up, show the guy who he’s messing with when it comes to Jen?’ he suggested.  Jared was a big guy and he sure knew how to use it when he had to, and, hopefully, this Morgan guy wouldn’t be too stupid to realise a threat when he saw one.  ‘And you could watch out for him at school?  You know, make sure Morgan doesn’t get any alone time with him?’    
  
  
‘Okay,’ Chris nodded.  ‘But that’s not gonna prove it’s Morgan though.’  
  
  
‘I know, but at least it means he won’t be able to touch Jensen till we _can_ get proof it’s him.  That’s something, right?’    
  
  
‘Yeah, I suppose.  But I swear to God, Jared, if it _is_ Morgan, he’s gonna wish he’d never been born,’ Chris growled, his hand tightening round the coffee cup.    
  
  
Jared lifted his own cup then, his mouth set in a firm line, and clinked it against Chris’, ‘Amen, dude…a-fucking-men’.    
  
  
NEXT.


	12. Chapter Twelve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: I’ve got a day off tomorrow so I’m hoping to get the next chapter up then. Sorry for the lack of updates but my bosses are actually expecting me to work at work at the moment, and it’s really eating into my porn writing time. The inconsiderate bastards! LOL!

**Chapter Twelve.**  
  
  
Jared turned up at Jensen’s school just after twelve thirty the next day, more than ready to have a little ‘chat’ with this Morgan asshole.   He hadn’t seen Jensen that morning, the boy had been gone before Jared had even woken up, and if that wasn’t a sure sign that Jensen was avoiding him, Jared didn’t know what was.  And while Jared didn’t blame the kid, he really didn’t, he just wished Jensen would talk to him, wished Jensen would let him help.  But since Jared didn’t see that happening any time this century, he’d just have to settle for putting Morgan behind bars where he belonged and getting Jensen so far out of the fucker’s reach that he’d never be able to hurt him again.     
  
  
Jared walked down across the quad, ignoring the curious stares he got from the students assembled there; it was obvious that he was neither a student nor a teacher, but he felt no need to justify himself.  He was only there for Jensen; he didn’t much care what anyone else thought of him.   
  
  
Following Chris’ instructions from the day before, Jared made his way towards Morgan’s classroom in the left wing of the school.  He knew he needn’t to rush; Chris wouldn’t leave Jensen alone with Morgan ever again, and Jared kind of wanted all the other students gone before he went inside the classroom to talk to the history teacher.  He didn’t need an audience for this… _Jensen_ didn’t need an audience.  
  
  
As soon as Jared turned the corner into the right corridor, he saw Chris standing outside the classroom door, obviously keeping one eye out for Jared and one eye on what was happening inside.  Jared could tell the instant Chris laid eyes on him; the boy’s shoulders relaxed and he eased away from the doorframe a little.  ‘He in there?’ Jared asked, walking up to the classroom door himself.  
  
  
Chris nodded, ‘Yeah, Morgan asked Jensen if he could have a ‘word’ with him after class.’  The boy shot a glare through the window and Jared took that as his cue to go in.  He took a deep breath, pulled his shoulders back, and pushed the door open.  His eyes narrowed as he took in the picture in front of him; an older guy, presumably Morgan, was standing beside his desk with his hand on Jensen’s shoulder.  Jensen was hunched over, his eyes glued to the floor, and if there had been any doubt in Jared’s mind, it was gone now.   
  
  
This was his guy.   
  
  
‘Jen,’ Jared called out, relishing the way Morgan jumped and tore his hand away from Jensen.  Good, the fucker _should_ be scared, considering what Jared was going to do to him.  ‘I wanted to take you out for lunch.  That okay?’  He slung an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, ignoring the boy’s flinch, and pulled him into his body.   
  
  
As soon as Jared had Jensen tucked safely into his side, he turned his eyes on Morgan…on the _bastard_ who’d been hurting his step-brother, ‘Hi there, I’m Jared, Jensen’s stepbrother.’   
  
  
Jared held his hand out for the teacher to shake, and waited a long moment before the man actually took hold of it.  In a surprisingly tight grip.  It was strange and really unexpected, but Morgan didn’t seem scared, quite the contrary, he seemed angry.  The older man glared at Jared as he shook his hand, ‘Jeff Morgan, Jensen’s History teacher.’  Jared grit his teeth as Morgan squeezed his hand harder, looking the man right in the eyes; Morgan could be as angry as he liked that Jared was on to him, Jared wasn’t about to back off.  No way, no how.  ‘Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to someone from Jensen’s fami-’   
  
  
‘Jared…can we…can we go?’  Jensen tugged on Jared’s arm, all but tearing his hand away from Jeff’s.  ‘ _Please_ …’ Jensen looked about two seconds away from bursting into tears as he clung to Jared’s sleeve, and Jared wasn’t about to make the kid stay in Jeff’s presence any longer than necessary.  He’d made his point.  Jeff knew that Jensen had people looking out for him now, people who’d make _sure_ no-one hurt him.   
  
  
‘Jensen…’  Jeff started but Jared was already leading the boy towards the door.  Whatever the bastard had to say to Jensen, he could shove it up his ass as far as Jared was concerned.   
  
  
‘See you around, Jeff,’ Jared called over his shoulder as he dragged Jensen out of the classroom; the words a threat and a promise all at once.  Because Jared would _definitely_ be seeing this guy again, hopefully accompanied by a couple of cops with a shiny pair of handcuffs just for Jeff.   
  
  
NEXT.


	13. Chapter Thirteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: I’m really sorry about the ‘Lord of the Rings’ reference in here but it’s my favourite book and I’ve had yet to put it into a fic…so it kind of just sneaked into this one. :-S

**Chapter Twelve.**  
  
  
Jensen was all but shaking by the time the classroom door closed behind them and Jared gritted his teeth to keep from turning back and doing something he’d probably regret.  Something like beating Morgan to a bloody pulp.      
  
  
‘What are you doing here, Jared?’  Jensen asked, not even sparing Jared a glance, as he moved away from the classroom and towards his locker.   
  
  
Jared frowned as he followed him; the kid actually sounded kind of annoyed that Jared was there which made absolutely no sense at all.  Yeah, Jared knew that Jensen didn’t want him prying into his business, the boy’s behaviour that morning had made that pretty clear, but Jensen had clearly been uncomfortable in that classroom with Morgan.  Surely, hanging out with Jared, even with his tendency to pry, had to be preferable to being felt up by his perv of a history teacher?  ‘What?  I can’t just take you out for lunch once in a while?’  
  
  
Jensen stopped then, his eyes narrowed and suspicious as he turned and stared intently at Jared, clearly trying to work out if he was lying.  Jared kept his expression as open as possible and hoped that Jensen didn’t see through his flimsy, not entirely truthful, excuse.  Thankfully, Jensen’s expression cleared a moment later meaning he’d bought the rouse, which was good, but it was almost immediately followed by a softly spoken, ‘Yeah, I suppose but…but I can’t go,’ which definitely wasn’t.  
  
  
‘Why not?’ Jared asked as Jensen slowly backed away from him, looking almost as frightened and cornered as he had in that classroom with Morgan.  
  
  
‘Students aren’t allowed off campus for lunch, sorry,’ Jensen said quickly, turning around and all but running towards his locker.     
  
  
Of course, Jared ran after him, catching the kid’s arm before he gotten more than a few steps away.  ‘Wait!’  His touch was light, no more than a gentle hold, but Jensen was staring at Jared’s hand like his fingers were made of knives instead flesh.  ‘Come on, Jen, we’ll be gone thirty minutes, tops.’  Jensen glanced over his shoulder nervously, and Jared’s jaw tensed.  _Fuck_ Morgan.  Fuck him and his sick, twisted mind.  ‘Please, Jensen, for me.’  
  
  
He felt a little bad for exploiting Jensen’s damn near pathological need to please everyone, but if it got the boy to go with him, then he could live with it.  ‘Okay, but…but just for half an hour,’ Jensen agreed hesitantly, not fighting when Jared led him away the row of lockers and out towards the parking lot.  
  
  
‘Half an hour,’ Jared nodded, even though he sort of planned to try and convince Jensen to spend the rest of the day with him. Jensen needed some time away from this place, some time when he didn’t need to be looking over his shoulder every five minutes, and Jared was determined to give him that.  Even if it was just for one afternoon.  
  
  
****  
  
  
‘So, Boromir’s _not_ a bad guy, ‘cause he sort of seems like a bad guy to me?’  Jared asked, hiding a smile in his coffee at the incredulous look on Jensen’s face.  It was the most life Jared had seen in the boy’s face in months.  It had taken a while and more than a few awkward silences, but Jared had finally gotten Jensen to relax a little.   And when he’d brought up The Lord of the Rings, the kid’s favourite book according to his dad, Jensen had actually taken over the conversation.   
  
  
‘Well, he’s not.  Everyone makes that mistake after they see the movie,’ Jensen huffed, shaking his head and pulling his chocolate malt closer.  ‘They see Aragorn being all noble and selfless and, _immediately_ , think that Boromir is a bad guy.  He’s not, though.  He doesn’t want the ring because he wants power; he just wants to save his people and sees the ring as the only way to do that.’   
  
  
Jensen sucked the straw poking out of his shake into his mouth, wrapping his lips around it and hollowing out his cheeks, as he stared up at Jared, obviously waiting for an answer…and…and Jared’s mind kind of stuttered to a stop. _Holy_ _fuck._ The burst of arousal hit him low and hard, like a punch to the gut, and he felt sick.  He shouldn’t be thinking about Jensen like that, not now…not after everything that had happened.   
  
  
But he couldn’t help it.  The kid was looking at him with those huge, green eyes, framed by lashes so long they should look stupid but somehow didn’t, and Jared was just caught breathless by how beautiful he was.  And, God help him, Jared wanted him.  _Fuck_ , he was just like Morgan, wanting something from Jensen, from this sweet kid, that he had no right to…  
  
  
‘Jared?’  The anxiety in Jensen’s voice pierced through Jared’s panicked thoughts and pulled him back to the present, his concern for the boy’s well-being railroading over everything else.  And just like that, he realised that he was nothing like Morgan.  He didn’t just want Jensen’s body; no, he wanted to love him, make him happy, and keep him safe.  But above all, he wanted Jensen to love him back, to crave his touch and welcome his caresses.  Jared would _never_ do what Morgan had done to Jensen; he’d never take anything the boy didn’t want to give him.   
  
  
‘Yeah, sorry, I just zoned out there for a second.  What were you saying?’  
  
  
Jensen nodded, but the light had gone from his eyes and he pushed his half-finished shake away.  ‘Nothing, it’s…it’s not important.  Stupid…’ he trailed off, dropping his eyes to the table, and Jared could’ve kicked himself; he’d finally gotten Jensen to open up to him, and then he’d gone and screwed it up.   
  
  
Desperate to fix his mistake, Jared reached across the table and grabbed Jensen’s hands before they could disappear into the boy’s lap again.  ‘It _is_ important, Jensen; everything you say is important.  Don’t let anyone tell you any different.’   
  
  
And for once, Jensen didn’t flinch, didn’t pull away from Jared, but when he looked up, his eyes were wet and sad, and Jared’s heart ached at the despair he saw there.  ‘You don’t know…you wouldn’t be so nice if…’ Jensen bit his lip and turned his face away.  ‘Can…can you take me back now, please?'  
  
  
‘Jensen, man, I’m sorry I got distracted, but you have to know that you can tell me _anything_ and I’ll never judge you, I promise,’ Jared said, begging Jensen to believe him…begging the boy to let him in.  
  
  
Jensen let out a bitter laugh at that and pulled his hands away, ‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jared.  Besides, it’s really not worth the trouble.’  
  
  
Jared stared open mouthed as the boy stood up and walked out of the diner.  _I’m really not worth the trouble -_ that’s what Jensen had meant, and Jared couldn’t decide whether he felt more angry or sad at the words.  Someone as amazing as Jensen should never feel like that, and if Jared had his way, he’d spend every day from then on making sure Jensen never felt like that again.   
  
  
He quickly settled the bill for their drinks and followed Jensen out to the car, all the more determined to make Jeff pay for what he’d done.  
  
  
NEXT.


	14. Chapter Fourteen.

**Chapter Thirteen.**  
  
  
It had been three weeks since Jared’s visit to see Morgan and Chris assured him that Jensen had never been left alone with the guy in all that time, but Jensen still wasn’t getting any better.  If anything, he was getting worse.  He still barely spoke to Chris and Jared had to fight tooth and nail to get the boy to spend any time with him.   
  
  
Like tonight for instance; Jared had bought a movie for him and Jensen to watch after dinner, only for the kid to say that he’d already seen it and head up to bed.  Now, Jared knew for a fact Jensen that _hadn’t_ seen it, Jensen had told Jared as much less than a week ago during one of those horrendously awkward ‘family dinners’ his dad like to spring on Jensen every so often, and that had been the exact reason why Jared had chosen it.   
  
  
Not that that had mattered, of course; Jared hadn’t been about to call Jensen out on the lie and risk damaging their already tenuous relationship.  So in the end, he’d had to play the sympathy card, claiming that he was really missing his friends back at Uni and needed some cheering up.  And in true Jensen form, the kid had folded almost immediately and agreed to watch the movie with him.  
  
  
Unfortunately, Jensen hadn’t lasted more than twenty minutes into the movie before he’d started to doze off and, by the time those five doomed college kids had made it to the ‘Cabin in the Woods’, Jensen was all but asleep.  Smiling slightly, Jared had scooted over and stretched his arm along the back of the sofa, in the hope that Jensen might move closer.   He had.  So now Jared had a half asleep Jensen nestled against his side and there was nowhere in the world that he would rather be right then.    
  
  
Jensen looked so damn peaceful like this, the frown lines on his face smoothed out like they’d never been there in the first place, and Jared could pretend for just a moment that everything was alright.  That Jensen was still the happy, innocent boy he’d met all those months ago.    
  
  
‘Jared.’  Jared jumped at his dad’s voice, turning to look over his shoulder.  ‘I think you need to take Jensen up to bed.’  Jared frowned at the man’s curt tone; his dad sounded sort of mad, and that was really out of character for him.  Jared could probably count on one hand the number of times his dad had ever gotten angry with him. Shrugging it off, his dad had probably had a bad day or work or something, Jared turned back to the screen and back to Jensen.    
  
  
‘I think I’m just going to let him sleep here actually.  I haven’t got anything on tomorrow so it’s okay if I don’t get much sleep tonight,’ Jared said, fully intending to wait until Jensen was ready to wake up before he went up to bed himself.  If Jensen felt safe sleeping in Jared’s arms, then Jared was perfectly happy to play guard dog for him.    
  
  
‘Well, I need you to pick some things up for me from the grocery store,’ his dad replied as he dropped his briefcase onto the desk in the corner of the room and started to unpack it.     
  
  
‘What?  _Now_?’  Jared asked incredulously as looked up at the clock on the wall; it was nearly fucking eleven o’clock at night.   
  
  
‘Yes, now.’  
  
  
‘What could possibly be so important that I have to go out at ele-’  
  
  
‘Jared, just do it.  There’s a list on the fridge,’ his dad snapped, the man’s voice strained in a way that Jared had never heard before.   
  
  
‘Um…okay,’ he replied, utterly confused and more than a little pissed off.  He tried to untangle himself from Jensen, but the boy whimpered in his sleep and gripped Jared’s t-shirt tighter.  Cursing his dad, Jared carefully unpeeled Jensen’s fingers; he smiled when the boy opened sleepy eyes to look up at him.  ‘It’s alright, Jen,’ he said, scooping the boy up, ‘just taking you up to bed, okay.’  Jensen nodded, settling back to sleep in Jared’s arms.  
  
  
As he moved away from the sofa, Jensen wrapped up tightly against his chest, Jared couldn’t help but notice how incredibly light the kid was.  He knew that Jensen had lost weight over the last few months, but the fact that he’d lost this much was nothing short of terrifying.   
  
  
Once in Jensen’s room, Jared gently laid the boy down on his bed, pulled the covers over him and ran a hand through the kid’s soft hair.  He didn’t want to leave.  He wanted to grab the chair from the corner of the room, pull it alongside Jensen’s bed and let the boy get a good night’s sleep for once.  But his dad was clearly in a foul mood and it just wasn’t worth getting into a fight about; he could always come back up here later, after all.   
  
  
So Jared stood up, checked once more that Jensen was asleep, and slipped out of the boy’s room.  He quickly tiptoed down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab the list, his dad not even sparing him a glance as he walked past.  The man must’ve had a _really_ bad day at work for him to be this angry.    
  
  
There were only five things on the list (none of them important enough to justify this late night shopping trip, in Jared’s opinion) so he figured he’d only be gone for about an hour at most.    
  
  
Jared was half way to the damn grocery store before he realised that he’d forgotten his fucking wallet.  Slamming his hand against the dash in frustration, Jared made a highly illegal U-turn and sped back to his house; if he didn’t hurry, the supermarket would be closed by the time he got back there and then his dad would be _really_ pissed. Well, even more so than he already was.    
  
  
Mindful that Jensen was asleep upstairs, Jared quietly let himself into the house.  He walked into the lounge, expecting to have to confess to his dad that he’d been a complete idiot and left his wallet behind, only to find his dad not at his desk…which was weird – his dad had looked like he was settled in for the night when Jared had left.  Puzzled, Jared made his way to the kitchen, wondering if maybe his dad had gone to get himself a snack, but the man wasn’t there either.  Surely, his dad wouldn’t have gone to bed already when he clearly had so much work to do?  
  
  
Then Jared heard a loud bump upstairs…huh, maybe he had.    
  
  
Shaking his head at his dad’s slightly odd behaviour, Jared grabbed his wallet and made his way to the front door; the sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could get back to Jensen’s room.  But just as he reached for the handle, he heard a cry from upstairs; Jared froze, his fingers inches from the metal, and listened.  When he heard another cry, he turned and bounded up the stairs.  Jensen was probably having another nightmare; he seemed to have them a lot.  Jared had often heard him, tossing and turning, through the thin wall connecting their rooms over the past several months.  Before Jared had made it all the way up the stairs, though, Jensen’s door opened and his dad walked out.    
  
  
What was his dad doing in Jensen’s room?  
  
  
Was he checking on Jensen like Jared had been planning to do?  
  
  
No, it couldn’t have been that because Jared could hear Jensen crying…no, not just crying, fucking _sobbing_ …  
  
  
Sobbing like…like…   
  
  
And Jared’s stomach turned to ice…  
  
  
No…  
  
  
No…that…that wasn’t possible…  
  
  
Jared waited for his dad to close Jensen’s door and walk across the landing to his own room before he climbed the rest of the stairs…ascending a little more slowly than he had before.  When he finally did reach Jensen’s door, it took a long time for him to build up the courage to actually turn the handle and step inside.    
  
  
But nothing could’ve prepared him for what he found.    
  
  
Jensen wasn’t in bed anymore but his pyjamas were lying on top of the covers, rumpled and…and dirty.  There was a _stain_ on the bottoms and Jared had to look away and cover his mouth, his stomach churning violently.  The shower was running in Jensen’s bathroom, and Jared could hear the boy still crying under the fall of the water.  He closed his eyes, willing the nausea down, and took a seat on the chair in front of Jensen’s dressing table to wait for the boy to finish.    
  
  
It wasn’t long before the water shut off and Jared’s stomach felt tied up in knots, dread and nerves settling heavily in his gut.  What was he going to say?  What _could_ he say?  How could you apologise for something like this?  How many times had Jared just assumed that Jensen was having a nightmare when really his dad was in here rapi…  
  
  
Jared’s stomach turned over and he quickly grabbed Jensen’s waste paper bin to throw up in.  Once his stomach was empty and the heaving had finally stopped, Jared wiped his mouth with a shaking hand.    
  
  
How could this have happened?  How could his dad have _done_ this?  
  
  
Jared sucked in a harsh breath when the bathroom door opened and a bright red Jensen walked out.  The kid’s skin looked like it had been scrubbed almost raw, and any hope Jared might still have been clinging to that this was all some huge misunderstanding died a harsh death. ‘Jen?’ he choked out, not sure what else to say, not sure if he _could_ say anything else.   
  
  
Jensen jumped so violently, he almost lost the towel hanging around his terribly thin waist, and Jared had to look away, unable to stomach the tense lines and nervous movements of Jensen’s body a moment longer.  Fuck, an hour ago, if he’d been sat here about to see Jensen naked, he would’ve given anything to have that towel fall away.  But not now.  Not when he knew how his dad had _used_ Jensen, _been_ using him for months, right under Jared’s fucking nose.    
  
  
‘Jared?  What…what are you doing in here?’  Jensen stammered, pulling the towel tighter as he quickly looked around the room.  Almost immediately, his gaze landed on the soiled pyjamas, and his eyes flitted between Jared and the bed nervously, ‘I can…I can explain...I…’  
  
  
‘Stop!’  It came out much harsher than Jared had intended but he couldn’t help it; his world was collapsing around his ears and the guilt he felt, the horror, was almost choking him.    
  
  
Jensen’s eyes dropped to the carpet instantly, ‘I…I’m so sorry, Jared, I didn’t mean to.  It’s…it’s all my fault.  I’m _sorry_ …’  Jared stared in disbelief at the boy in front of him.  He’d read a hell of a lot of literature over the past few weeks about child abuse, and he knew that a lot of victims blamed themselves for what had happened to them, but he’d never thought for a _second_ that Jensen would be one of them.  What on earth did Jensen think he’d done wrong?  ‘ _Please,_ Jared, please forgive me.  I’m sorry, don’t…don’t leave me…’  
  
  
And that was enough to have Jared on his feet and striding across the room.  His own eyes filled with tears when Jensen shied away from him, like he thought Jared was going to hit him, and he swiftly reached out and pulled the boy into his arms.  ‘Never.  I’m never going to leave you.  None of this is your fault.  I don’t care what he said; he _lied,_ Jensen, he lied to you.  To _us…_ about everything.’  
  
  
‘But…but…I had dreams…’ Jensen sobbed.  ‘He said he heard me when you guys first came here…that…that I cried out his name but I…I never wanted it…I don’t…I never understood…’  Jensen hid his face in Jared’s neck and Jared tightened his arms around the boy, ‘What’s wrong with me?’  
  
  
‘Nothing.  Nothing’s wrong with you,’ Jared said softly.  ‘What dreams, Jen?’  Because Jared had certainly never heard Jensen call out his dad’s name in his sleep, and he knew there was almost no way that his dad would’ve been able to hear him even if the boy had.    
  
  
‘I don’t know,’ Jensen’s words were muffled against Jared’s skin, his voice rough.  ‘I dreamt that your dad was in my room, in…in my bed and I…couldn’t move, couldn’t think, and he…he did things to me when you…you first moved in and…your dad, he heard me…I’m so _sorry,_ Jared...’  
  
  
Frowning, Jared thought back to those first few weeks and he remembered how sick Jensen had been, how tired and distracted, how out of it…and everything suddenly clicked into place.  Jensen hadn’t been sick, he’d been _drugged_.  He’d been drugged by Jared’s dad, who’d then raped him and convinced Jensen that he’d wanted it all along.  Jared’s voice shook when he spoke again, ‘Those…those weren’t dreams, Jensen.  My…dad took advantage of you and you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, I promise.’  
  
  
Jensen all but collapsed in his arms at that, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed against Jared’s shoulder.   Jared tried to keep them on their feet, but after a moment, he gave up and slid them both to the ground, still holding Jensen close.  ‘It’s okay, it’s alright, Jensen; everything’s going to be okay.’  
  
  
But it wasn’t and Jared knew it.  He stared at Jensen’s door, his hands soothing up and down the boy’s back, as he desperately tried not to think about what he was going to have to do next and just how _not_ okay things were about to get.      
  
  
NEXT.


	15. Chapter Fifteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the wait… :- ( I’m really sure this chapter isn’t going to be worth it…but I hope it’s okay. Oh, and sorry for all the cursing but I felt Jared would be a little too upset in this scene to mind his language.

**Chapter Fourteen.**  
  
  
 **Jared.**  
  
  
Jared closed Jensen’s door quietly behind him, positive that the boy wouldn’t be waking up any time soon.  Not after that.  Jared slumped back against the door, exhausted and drained; he felt like he’d aged a hundred years in the last hour.  He stared at the door to his dad and Donna’s room for a long time, fear and disgust and the _tiniest_ glimmer of desperate hope (maybe there was a rational explanation for all this, maybe his dad wasn’t the monster Jared thought he was… _maybe_ …) burning inside him, before he managed to make himself walk towards it.   
  
  
Thankfully, Donna was out with her girlfriends that night so it was just his dad inside when Jared finally opened the door.  The man looked up in surprise from his seat on the edge of the bed as Jared stepped over the threshold.  Jared didn’t know if his surprise was because Jared hadn’t knocked or because his dad hadn’t expected him back so soon from the little errand ( _distraction, it was a fucking distraction_ ) he’d sent him on to get him out of the way, and, frankly, Jared didn’t give a flying fuck which it was.  Right then, he was having a hard enough time not knocking his dad’s head off without having to worry about shit like that.    
  
  
And Jared had to do this, not just because it was the right thing to do, but for his mom; for whatever relationship he’d had with his dad over the past twenty two years; for the man Jared was _sure_ hadn’t always been the twisted fuck now sitting in front of him.  And for Jensen; he needed to do this for Jensen most of all.  Jared swallowed tightly, walking further into the room, and said, ‘Dad, I need to talk to you.’   
  
  
‘Sure, Jay, it sounds serious; are you okay?’  Jared snorted bitterly; no, he was most certainly _not_ okay, and he doubted he would ever be okay again after this.  And for once, his dad wasn’t going to be able to fix it.  For once, his dad was the fucking problem.   
  
  
‘I need to talk to you about Jensen,’ he replied, ignoring the obviously feigned look of concern his dad gave him at the words.   If the man cared so damn much about Jensen, he wouldn’t have been sneaking into the boy’s room every night and doing such…such terrible things to him.  Jared took a deep breath, willing his voice not to shake as he added, ‘I know what you’ve been doing.’  
  
  
The words hung in the air between them, stark and unforgiving, and Jared’s heart pounded more and more painfully in his chest with each second his dad remained silent.  ‘What I’ve been doing?  I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jay; is there something wrong with Jensen?’  Jared’s stomach twisted at how genuinely worried the man sounded.  His concern seemed so real, and Jared couldn’t help but question his _entire_ relationship with his father because of it; it was hard not to wonder how many times his dad had pulled the wool over his eyes if his lies were _this_ convincing.  
  
  
‘Yeah, I’d fucking say so.  I just…’ Jared rubbed a weary hand across his mouth, ‘I don’t know how you could do that to him, dad.  It…it’s sick and twisted and so damn wrong, I’m actually having real trouble even _looking_ at you right now.’  
  
  
‘Jay…kid, I really don’t have a clue what you’re talking about,’ his dad answered and then the man smiled at him, _fucking_ smiled, like this was all some kind of joke…like this was in _any_ way funny…and Jared just lost it.   
  
  
He slammed his fist into the wall, ‘DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!’   
  
  
Jared felt his control slipping and he fought to shove his anger back down.  If he didn’t, he was going to something awful, something his father definitely deserved, but something he’d no doubt regret later.  ‘Just don’t…lie to me anymore; you’ve done enough of that over the last few months and I’m sick of it.  You _need_ to fix this.  You need to go and tell Jensen that everything you said to him was a lie.  The dreams, him wanting it…everything.’  He stepped away from the wall then, ignoring the large dent now in the plaster, and added, ‘You have to tell him that this was all you and your…your _sick_ , perverted brain and that he’s got nothing to be ashamed of.’    
  
  
Jared stared at his dad, at the man who’d raised him, begging for him to do the right thing.  Just one last time.  Because Jensen needed this; he _needed_ Jared’s dad to tell him that what had happened wasn’t his fault.  Jared could do it until he was blue in the face, but only the man who’d laid that poisonous seed of doubt in Jensen’s mind could be the one to remove it.  Jared had to swallow past the lump in his throat before he could speak again, and, this time, his voice wasn’t even close to steady, ‘And then you’re gonna walk down to the police station and turn yourself in.’  
  
  
His dad gaped at him from across the room, confusion and shock painted across his aging features, and it was almost enough to have Jared second guessing what he’d seen.  Almost…but not quite.  Obviously, spending an hour with a traumatised teen sobbing in your arms left quite the lasting impression.  In fact, Jared didn’t think he’d _ever_ forget that heart-wrenching hour for as long as he lived.    
  
  
But his dad didn’t know that, of course, didn’t know that Jared had caught him red handed.  ‘Look, Jay, I don’t know what Jensen’s been saying but that kid…he…he’s _desperate_ for attention.  You know he is.  He follows his mom round like a little puppy dog, it’s pathe-ʼ his dad’s words cut off as Jared’s fist collided with his face.   
  
  
‘Shut the fuck up,’ Jared snarled, his chest heaving.  ‘I’m having enough trouble not beating the crap out of you right now _without_ you finishing that sentence.  Don’t push me on this, dad, just…don’t.’  The silence that followed made Jared’s skin itch and finally, when he couldn’t take it any more, he asked, ‘You gonna do it or not?’  
  
  
His dad’s expression changed then; maybe he’d finally realised just how screwed he was, how damning all the evidence stacked up against him was, because when he raised his eyes Jared’s again, they were shining with tears.  ‘Jared, please, you don’t understand.  He…he _begged_ me to do it.  The moment I walked into this house, he was all over me.  I…I tried to ignore it but I’m just a man and-ʼ  
  
  
And Jared punched him again.  ‘I’ll take that as a no then,’ he said to the hunched over form of his father still sitting on the edge of the bed.  ‘I’ll be calling the cops as soon as I leave; they should be here in a couple of minutes.’  He turned to walk out the door, ‘And we’re done, just in case you were wondering.  I might… _might_ have considered trying to help you get over this…this sickness inside you had you shown just an _ounce_ of remorse for what you’ve done, but you haven’t.  And you obviously don’t want to help Jensen or even _try_ to fix what you’ve so thoroughly broken…so I don’t want anything to do with you.  Not now, not ever.’  
  
  
Slamming the door behind him was easier than Jared had thought it would be, and he quickly pulled out his cell phone before he changed his mind.   
  
  
He was sure he’d feel this loss later, feel the impact of never speaking to his only living parent ever again, but right then, Jared had more important things to think about.    
  
  
Jensen.  
  
  
Jensen would have to take priority now; the boy was his family, and Jared took strength from that as he walked back across the landing to Jensen’s room and opened the door.         
  
  
NEXT.


	16. Chapter Sixteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay – I normally hate chapters where nothing happens and the story doesn’t move forward at all, but I kind of felt that this chapter was necessary. Yeah, this story’s about Jensen and the abuse he’s suffered, but I think we should get a bit of a look inside Jared’s head too. Hope you guys don’t mind…and that this comes off as even mildly realistic/believable.

**Chapter Fifteen.**  
  
  
 **Jared.**  
  
  
‘Did you know?’  Jared asked wearily, his eyes straying to Jensen’s sleeping form on the sofa.  That was all Jensen seemed to do of late – sleep and sleep some more…oh, and have nightmares ( _wouldn’t want to forget those,_ Jared thought bitterly.)   
  
  
In the two weeks since his dad had been taken away, Jared had gotten a pretty clear picture of just how exhausted Jensen was, of how much of a toll this whole thing had taken on him.  Hard didn’t even begin to describe what Jensen was going through…awful, devastating, horrifying - they all fell short too.  Hell, Jared didn’t even think there was a word to describe how bad this situation really was, and he found himself constantly questioning how something like this could happen to someone as wonderful as Jensen.  It just didn’t make any sense and it sure as fuck wasn’t fair, not that seemed to make any difference.  Bad things happened to good people – that’s what they always said wasn’t it? – and there wasn’t a damn thing Jared could do about it.   
  
  
And, _god_ , it was tearing him apart.   
  
  
Thoroughly lost in his own head, it took a few moments for Jared to realise that Donna hadn’t answered his question.   Once he did, he tore his gaze away from Jensen and forced his thoughts back to her, asking again, ‘Did you?’  
  
  
‘Of course, I didn’t know,’ she said quickly…a little too quickly for the denial to ring even slightly true.  Disappointment washed over Jared in a sickening wave when he saw the guilt in her eyes, and he wondered for a moment just how much more of this he could take. ‘I…I _didn’t_ …’  
  
  
‘ _Fuck_!’ Jared cursed, rubbing at his own tired eyes.  Jensen wasn’t the only one who was exhausted; Jared felt like he hadn’t slept in years.  Everything was so twisted, so screwed up, that he could barely think straight and, as ashamed as he felt for admitting it, he’d considering running away from it all more than once.  He’d thought about just packing up and walking out the door, ready to start a new life somewhere else.   Some place where no-one knew his name, or what had happened; some place where he could try and forget this nightmare.   
  
  
Of course, all it took was one look from Jensen to banish any thought of leaving from Jared’s mind...but that didn’t mean those thoughts were gone forever.  Every time some fresh horror presented itself, every time another part of Jared’s world splintered and broke, that new life called to him, tempting him away with promises of peace.   Promises of sanctuary.  
  
  
Jared jumped when he felt a hand grab his arm, and he was barely able to keep the disgust off his face when he realised that it was Donna.  ‘Alright…alright, maybe I thought something was wrong,’ she said, her voice desperate, her eyes even more so, ‘but I didn’t _know_ …Please, Jared, I’m sorry.  I wasn’t thinking…I love Jensen, I _do_ ; you have to know that.’  And Jared did.  He knew that Donna loved Jensen, but clearly she didn’t love him as much as she loved having a husband.  Or as much as she loved herself.  ‘ _Please_ don’t tell him.’  
  
  
‘I won’t,’ Jared replied immediately.  He watched the tension fall from her shoulders, only to see it return again at his next words, ‘But not for you; I’m not doing this for you.  I just don’t think Jensen can take another hit right now, and him finding out that, even though you knew what was happening to him, you did _nothing_ to help him,’ she flinched, ‘is only going to do him more harm than good.’   
  
  
Jared paused, letting out a long, tired sigh.  ‘You know, he told Jensen that you hated him, that you’d blame him for all this.’  He gave her a hard look, ignoring the devastated expression on her tear stained face, as he added, ‘Think about that the next time you’re wondering whose fault this is.  My…my dad _abused_ your son, hurt him worse than I can probably ever fix, but _you_ let him.  _You_ brought him into Jensen’s life and _you_ didn’t protect him, and while I’m not gonna tell Jensen about that, I sure as hell won’t ever let you forget it.’  Donna was sobbing in earnest by the time he was done, but Jared didn’t comfort her; there was only one person in all this that deserved his comfort and that person was asleep across the room.   
  
  
‘I’m taking him away with me,’ Jared said quietly, eliciting a shocked gasp from his step-mother. ‘I’m buying an apartment with the money my mom left me and Jensen’s going to come and live with me.’     
  
  
‘NO! _Please_ don’t take him!’ Donna begged, her long fingers reaching for Jared’s arm again.   
  
  
But Jared took a step back, out of range, and eyed the woman uncertainly.  He found it terribly disconcerting that he couldn’t tell whether Donna was desperate to keep her son with her or just desperate not to be alone.  ‘You can still see him; I told you that I wasn’t going to hurt Jensen and I won’t.  But he can’t stay here, not where this all happened, if he wants to get better.’  And if he was honest, Jared knew that he couldn’t stay there either.  Because while this was very much about Jensen, it was about Jared as well.  
  
  
Jared, who had sent his father to prison.      
  
  
Jared, who had sent his _only_ living parent to jail (because there was no judge in the _world_ that wouldn’t send his dad away), and would probably never to see the man again.  And as much as Jared hated him right then, as much as he could never forgive him for what he’d done, the man was still his father and he couldn’t help but miss him.  And it was seriously screwing with his head, this constant barrage of conflicting emotions, and being in the house where it had all happened didn’t help any; he needed a new start.  They both did.   
  
  
‘Jared, pl-ʼ  
  
  
A quiet hitching breath from the sofa cut off whatever futile plea Donna was about to make, and Jared was by Jensen’s side in an instant, once again completely blindsided by how utterly terrified the boy looked as he came around.  Jared quickly schooled his expression into something reassuring instead of pained and lay his hand on Jensen’s arm, ‘It’s alright, Jen, it’s okay.  It was just a dream.’  Jensen sagged back against the pillows, nodding his head jerkily as he gulped in a few frantic breaths.  Neither of them mentioned the tears drying on Jensen’s cheeks, but their presence was enough to spur Jared into action.   
  
  
Not that it would’ve taken much anyway; he’d already bought the apartment, had settled the contract the day before in fact, so there really was no reason for putting off the move any longer.  ‘Jen, I need to talk to you about something.’  He sat down on the sofa next to Jensen, letting his hand fall onto the boy’s knee.  He’d been so wary of touching Jensen at first, scared that it might be too much for him, but as time went on, it had grown increasingly obvious that the boy took comfort in Jared’s touches and Jared had absolutely no problem with that.  Truth be told, he found comfort in the touches himself.   
  
  
‘Okay,’ Jensen said softly, shifting slightly closer to Jared.  Jared wasn’t sure if Jensen even noticed the way his body gravitated towards Jared’s, seeking the comfort he obviously so desperately craved but could never ask for.  
  
  
‘I’ve got a new place.’  He felt Jensen tense under his hand.  ‘I don’t want to live here anymore…I can’t.’  
  
  
‘You’re leaving me?’ Jensen asked, his voice suddenly breathless, panic widening his eyes and paling his skin.  
  
  
‘No! God no.’ Jared turned to the boy and immediately pulled him close.  ‘Never.  I want you come with me.’   
  
  
‘But what about my mom?’ Jensen asked, his question a little muffled against Jared’s shoulder.  
  
  
‘Your mom thinks it’s a good idea too,’ Jared lied, praying that Donna would see sense and back him up.  ‘She can still come and visit but we both need a new start, and we can’t do that here.’  
  
  
After a long moment, Jensen nodded against him and Jared let himself relax.  He risked a look over at Donna and saw her standing ashen faced at the other side of the room; he knew then that she wouldn’t say or do anything to try to keep Jensen with her.  Hopefully, she’d realised that she owed Jensen this, owed him the best chance at getting better, after having failed him so completely.  And his best chance was with Jared.  ‘Okay, go grab your stuff and meet me down here when you’re ready,’ Jared said, letting go of Jensen and straightening up.  
  
  
‘What, _now_?’ Jensen asked in surprise, his eyes scanning the room and finally landing on his mom.  Jared hadn’t planned on doing this tonight but the more he thought about it, the more he couldn’t bear to spend another night under this roof.  The apartment was ready; they didn’t have to stay here a minute longer than it took to get their shit together and, for his part, Jared would be glad to see the back of this place.  
  
  
 _Come on, Donna,_ Jared thought as the boy’s eyes settled questioningly on his mom’s face.   
  
  
‘Jared’s right, sweetheart,’ Donna said, in a voice far too cheerful in light of their earlier conversation, but Jared could see she was trying.  He could give her points for that, at least.  And Jensen seemed to be buying it which was all that mattered.  ‘The change’ll be good for you.  I’ll come and see you tomorrow, okay?’  Jared let out the anxious breath he was holding when he saw the last traces of uncertainty leave Jensen’s face at his mom’s words.  Jared gave Donna a quick nod when she looked over at him, letting his thanks seep into his eyes.   
  
  
‘Okay, I’ll just go get my bag,’ Jensen said, pulling himself up from the sofa and walking towards the door.   
  
  
‘Thank you,’ Jared said as soon as Jensen was out of the room.  ‘I think he needed to hear that.’  
  
  
‘I do love my son, Jared.  I never meant for any of this to happen.’  Donna sounded on the verge of tears again and Jared felt sorry for her, but not sorry enough to assuage her guilt.  She _should_ feel guilty; they should all feel guilty for not protecting Jensen from this.   
  
  
‘I know,’ he answered quietly, grief making the words feel heavy on his tongue.  He’d never meant for this to happen either.  Jared closed his eyes then, leaning back into the sofa as the all too familiar question - _Why? Oh God, why? -_ cycled once more through his head.   
  
  
But apparently God wasn’t listening, or he didn’t care, because Jared didn’t get an answer.  
  
  
He never did.  
  
  
NEXT.  



	17. Chapter Seventeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work is totally kicking my ass right now but I’ve got two days off, so I’m hoping to get the next chapter up tomorrow. I did some research on this and in the UK, the prosecuting lawyer does see the witness before the trial in a criminal case, and, from what I gather on the net, that happens in the US too. If there’s anything glaringly wrong (any lawyers out there? Lol!)– just let me know and I’ll do a rewrite. Sorry for the delay guys; hopefully, more soon.

**Chapter Sixteen.**  
  
  
 **Jensen.**  
  
‘I don’t know what you want me to say,’ Jensen finally said when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.  He didn’t even want to be there; he didn’t _want_ to talk about any of this.  He just wanted to forget it had ever happened and move on…was that really too much to ask?   
  
  
‘You can say whatever you want, Jensen; I’m just here to listen,’ Jeff answered in that infuriatingly calm tone he always used in these sessions, and Jensen ground his teeth in frustration.  This was his third meeting with Jeff (Jeff, his _history_ teacher, who, apparently, was also a qualified counsellor and wasn’t that just _awesome_ …in a very _not_ awesome way) and they still hadn’t even mentioned the abus…what had happened.   
  
  
Not that Jensen _wanted_ to mention it.  At all.  He was only there for Jared; the older boy had said that he thought Jensen should talk to someone and Jensen, given how much he owed Jared already, had begrudgingly agreed to come and see Jeff.  Hell, it wasn’t like Jensen had been able to refuse, not after all the trouble he’d caused Jared over the past few months.  Jensen still didn’t understand how Jared could stomach living in the same apartment as him, how he could keep being so nice, when Jensen had pretty much destroyed his life.     
  
  
Everyone kept telling him that it wasn’t his fault, that he hadn’t done anything to make it happen…but that wasn’t entirely true and Jensen knew it.  There had to have been some reason for it to have happened; there had to have been something that _he’d_ done to make Michael do it, right?  Otherwise, none of it made any sense.      
  
  
And, of course, the truth remained that had Jensen never walked into Jared’s life, _none_ of this would’ve happened, and Jared would still have been living with his dad somewhere.  He would’ve been happy and not lumbered with some freak of a kid he barely even knew.   
  
  
‘And what if I don’t want to say anything?’ Jensen asked, his voice taking on that decidedly sullen tone it so often did these days.   
  
  
‘Then that’s okay too,’ Jeff answered, putting his pad and pen down on the coffee table between them and relaxing back in his seat.    
  
  
_Oh, for the love of…_  
  
  
‘Then what the fuck am I even doing here?’ Jensen spat, getting to his feet and running a hand roughly through his hair.  
  
  
Jeff just looked up at him calmly, not a hint of reprimand or disapproval in his eyes, as he replied steadily, ‘Because at some point, Jensen, you’re going to want to talk.  You’re going to _need_ to and, when that happens, I’m going to be here.’  
  
  
‘Right.  Sure,’ Jensen said with a roll of his eyes as he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and headed for the door.  He was so done with all this crap; done with talking and therapy and looking for closure (whatever the fuck that meant.)  None of that shit ever helped anyone.  Feeling suddenly angry - at Jeff, at Jared for making him come here, at the whole damn fucked-up situation - he turned and spat, ‘But I wouldn’t hold your breath on that one, Jeff; I hear not breathing is seriously bad for your health,’ before he disappeared through the door.  
  
  
****  
  
  
 **Jared.**  
  
  
‘You can’t be serious?’ Jared said, his tone incredulous.  Jensen was sat next to him, looking equally as shocked as Jared, and that only served to piss him off more.  ‘You honestly want him to stand up there in front of a bunch of strangers and talk about what happened to him?’  
  
  
Carol, the lawyer for the prosecution, laced her fingers together, ‘I understand this is hard, Mr Padalecki,’ Jared barely bit back a bitter laugh – hard, _right_ \- ‘but I’ve seen cases with more evidence than this one crumble in the face of a good defence.  Jensen’s testimony could be vital to winning this.’  
  
  
‘But…but _I’m_ testifying; they have my statement.  And they’ve got the original statement Jensen made to the police and all the evidence from his room; what more do they need?’  
  
  
‘A face, Mr Padalecki,’ Carol said, her eyes drifting over to Jensen for a moment.  ‘There’s going to be a jury in this; we need them to connect with Jensen if we want a conviction.  Without him, I’m not sure our case is going to be strong enough.’  
  
  
Jared ran a hand through his hair in frustration; every time he thought this nightmare couldn’t get any worse, somehow it always did.  According to what little Jeff would tell him about his sessions with Jensen, the boy hadn’t said a single thing about what had happened.  And he hadn’t said anything to Jared or Chris about it either, so it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Jensen just wasn’t ready to talk - the idea of him standing up in that court room…   
  
  
‘This can’t be happening,’ Jared breathed, already feeling another headache coming on.  He turned to Jensen, ‘Jen, I think we nee-ʼ  
  
  
‘No,’ Jensen interrupted, shaking his head.  ‘I can’t.  I won’t…I can’t have them all looking at me…thinking about…about those things…you said it was over...you promised…’  And before Jared could stop him, Jensen sprang out of his chair and disappeared from the room.  He flinched when he heard Jensen’s door slam shut.    
  
  
Turning back to the lawyer, Jared said, ‘I’ll talk to him.  He’ll come ‘round, I’m sure.’  But he wasn’t.  He wasn’t sure at all that Jensen would take the stand.  And truth be told, Jared wasn’t overly fond of the idea himself; forcing the boy to face those memories before he was ready could have a disastrous effect on his recovery.    
  
  
Carol looked at him for a long moment, her deep blue eyes studying him closely, before she nodded.  ‘Call me in a couple of days and we can go through what he’s going to say,’ she said, handing Jared a crisp white business card and getting to her feet.  
  
  
‘Okay,’ Jared replied as he slipped the card into his pocket and showed her to the door.  
  
  
He took a minute to gather himself, his palm pressed flat against the apartment door and his eyes closed, before he moved away and down the hall.  He stopped in front of Jensen’s door and knocked lightly on the wood, ‘Jen?’  No answer.  ‘Can I come in, Jensen?  We need to talk about this.’  
  
  
‘Just…just leave me alone, Jared.’  Jared opened his mouth to argue, to tell Jensen how important this was, but the words died in his throat at Jensen’s soft, ‘ _Please_.’  
  
  
Jared sighed, his chest feeling suddenly tight, and said, ‘Okay, we can talk about it tomorrow.  Good night, Jensen.’  
  
  
As he turned and walked away, Jared tried very hard to pretend that he didn’t hear the sound of quiet crying coming through the door.    
  
  
_God…when was this gonna end…_  
  
  
NEXT.


	18. Chapter Eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jensen uses the word ‘retarded’ in this chapter – just so we’re clear and I don’t offend anyone, I don’t condone the use of this word but Jensen’s a teenage boy and he’s not exactly in control of what he’s saying in this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

  
**Chapter Eighteen.**  
  
  
Jared closed the front door with a weary sigh and dropped his backpack onto the floor.  School was really kicking his ass at the moment; he just couldn’t concentrate on any of his lectures, and the few notes he’d actually managed to take down over the past few weeks made absolutely no sense to him now.   
  
  
‘Jen?’ he called, hoping the boy had calmed down after last night.  Jensen’s door had still been locked when Jared had left for college that morning, and the boy hadn’t answered the phone when Jared had rung to check up on him earlier.  Jared received no reply now either, so he wandered down the hall to Jensen’s room and knocked on the door.  ‘Jen?’ he said again, trying the doorknob when the boy still didn’t answer.  
  
  
To his surprise, the door was unlocked and swung open in front of him.  He immediately saw that Jensen wasn’t in bed or at his computer like Jared had expected him to be.  In fact, Jensen wasn’t anywhere in the room.  The bed was made and all the lights were off, so Jared went to close the door again.  Just before he did though, he noticed that both of Jensen’s closet doors were flung wide open.  Curious, Jared flicked the lights on to get a better look...the closet was completely empty.  All of Jensen’s clothes were gone and a horrible thought entered Jared’s mind…  
  
  
 _No._  
  
  
Jared tore from the room and into the living area to grab the house phone.  He was sure that Jensen was with Chris…he had to be.  He wouldn’t have run away; Jensen wouldn’t do that.  _Please God…_  
  
  
Jared quickly dialled Chris’ number, running a hand frantically through his hair as he waited for the kid to answer.  It wasn’t until the phone had rung a couple of times that he finally looked around the room and noticed the empty beer cans lying on the table.  Frowning slightly, Jared rounded the sofa with the phone still pressed to his ear…  
  
  
He let out a deep sigh of relief at what he found - Jensen.  The boy was sat on the floor by the sofa, surrounded by yet more empty cans, with two bulging bin bags beside him that Jared strongly suspected were full of his clothes.   
  
  
Jared immediately hung up the phone, tossing it carelessly onto the sofa as he knelt down next to Jensen.  ‘Jensen,’ he said quietly.  Jensen turned to him then, his eyes red and wet and so sad that Jared could hardly bear to look at him.   ‘What are you doing, Jen?’  
  
  
Jensen looked down at the can in his hand in response, an unsettling mix of disgust and confusion written on his face.  ‘I thought beer was supposed to make you feel better,’ he said bitterly, the words slurring slightly.  ‘Well, that’s bullshit because...because…I feel fucking _worse_ now.’  And with that, he tossed the half empty can across the room, spraying their white wall and carpet with beer.  As it smashed loudly and messily against the wall, Jensen scrambled to his feet and, even though he wobbled unsteadily, Jared forced himself not to reach out to help him.  The tense lines of Jensen’s body and the look on his face told Jared that touching the boy right then would’ve been a really bad idea.    
  
  
Leaning back against the arm of the sofa, Jensen gave an ugly laugh as he continued, ‘Which is really fucking hilarious if you…you think about ‘coz…you’d think I’d be a fucking _pro_ at getting smashed out of my head given all the…practise I’ve had thanks to your dad.’  Jared flinched; he knew Jensen hadn’t meant that as an accusation but the jab hurt nonetheless.  ‘But obviously I can’t even do this right!’ The horrid, mocking smile on his face sharpened as he added, ‘Figured even someone as fucking retarded as me could get this right.’    
  
  
Jared stood up from his crouch then and slowly moved to stand by Jensen.  He didn’t pull the boy into a hug like he wanted to; instead, he just leant against the sofa next to him.  ‘You’re not retarded, Jensen, and, despite what everyone seems to think, getting hammered never actually solves anything.  It just makes you feel like shit.’  
  
  
‘Thanks for the newsflash, genius,’ Jensen spat, but the words came out less biting than the boy had clearly meant them to…in truth, they just sounded weary and sad.  
  
  
‘Come on,’ Jared said gently, shifting closer to Jensen on the arm of the sofa. ‘Let’s get you up to bed so you can sleep this off.’  
  
  
Jensen was off the sofa and putting a good few feet between them before Jared even realised what was happening.  ‘Stop it,’ the boy hissed.   
  
  
Confused as to what precisely he’d done wrong, Jared held up his hands and asked, ‘What?’   
  
  
‘Stop…stop _lying_ to me.’  
  
  
‘Lying?’  Jared was taken aback, utterly _stunned_ , by the accusation and quickly added, ‘I haven’t lied to you, Jensen, not once.’  
  
  
‘You can’t,’ Jensen replied, shaking his head, ‘You can’t be this good of a person….no one is.’  He looked up at Jared then, his eyes taking on a desperate edge that broke Jared’s heart, ‘Why are you being so nice to me after…after everything I’ve done?’  
  
  
Jared bit back the words of denial, of comfort, that wanted to burst out of his mouth at that.  This might be his only chance to get Jensen to open up about what had happened and he couldn’t let it pass him by.  ‘Everything you’ve done?’ he asked, keeping his voice as neutral as he could.  
  
  
Jensen glared at him, ‘Don’t do that…don’t play dumb.  You _know_ what I’ve done.’  
  
  
‘Sorry, but this genius is obviously having an off day ‘cause I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.’  
  
  
‘Stop it!’ Jensen yelled, his eyes flashing with anger.  ‘Stop…stop making this into a joke.  It’s not...’ he started to shake, his voice trembling almost as much as his body, ‘it’s not _funny_.  What I’ve done…it was my fault…and I…it’s not funny…’  Jensen’s breath hitched as he looked up at Jared.  ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered, ‘I’m so fucking sorry.’  
  
  
Jared couldn’t stand it any longer; he pushed away from the couch and wrapped his arms around Jensen as the boy fell to his knees.  Jared went down with him, holding Jensen close while he sobbed, ‘It was my fault…it was all my fault.’  
  
  
‘It wasn’t your fault, Jensen.  _Please_ don’t think that,’ Jared begged, tightening his arms around the boy.  
  
  
‘If I’d never come into your life, none of this would’ve happened,’ Jensen whispered into Jared’s shirt.  ‘You’d still have your dad and you’d…you’d still be happy.’  
  
  
Jared shook his head sadly because that just wasn’t true.  As much as he wanted to believe it, as much as it would’ve made things easier, he knew that his dad wasn’t a good man and sooner or later, that would’ve come out.  Just because Jensen had been the one to strip away his dad’s mask didn’t make any of this his fault and Jared had never blamed him for it, not for a second.  ‘No, Jensen, that’s not true.  My dad…he’s sick.  He needs help; this wasn’t your fault.’  
  
  
Jensen pulled out of his arms then, settling back on his knees to look at Jared as he said, ‘No, it was.  He’d never done anything like that before, had he?’  When Jared didn’t answer, Jensen asked again, ‘Had he?’  And Jared had to shake his head because, to his knowledge, his father never _had_ done anything like  this before, but that didn’t make anything Jensen was saying true though.  ‘Then _I_ … _I_ must’ve done something.  So…it _was_ me.  I did this…I ruined everything for you…for my mom…and I just-ʼ  
  
  
‘No!’ Jared barked, his hands shooting out to grab Jensen’s upper arms.  Jensen flinched at his sharp tone but Jared couldn’t help it; everything about this made him so damn angry and the idea that Jensen _still_ blamed himself was just too fucking much.  ‘This wasn’t your fault.  You hear me, Jensen?  This was. _Not_. Your.  Fault.’  Jensen tried to pull away again but Jared just tightened his grip, aware but for once not caring that he was probably leaving bruises on Jensen’s arms; this was simply too important for him to let go now.  ‘No, you don’t get to run away from me again.  I want to hear you say it.’  
  
  
But Jensen just shook his head, tears running down his cheeks now as he tried to get away.  Jared took a deep breath, his heart pounding almost painfully in his chest, and decided to try a new tactic.  He licked his lips and said, ‘If it had been me…if my dad had abused _me_ like he abused you, would it have been my fault, Jensen?’  Jensen’s eyes snapped open at that, focusing properly on Jared’s face for the first time that evening.  ‘Would it?  Would you have blamed me for getting abused like that?’  
  
  
Jensen shook his head instantly, ‘It…it’s not the same.’  
  
  
‘Why?’ Jared asked, refusing to let Jensen go until he answered; he needed to understand why Jensen blamed himself so utterly for what had happened if he stood any chance of helping him.  ‘Why is it so different?’  
  
  
‘Because I…’ Jensen hesitated, biting down on his bottom lip and turning his face away again.  
  
  
‘Because you…?’  Jared pushed, but Jensen just shook his head again and tried to squirm out of Jared’s hold.  ‘Tell me why, Jensen, and I’ll let you go.’  
  
  
‘Because I enjoyed it,’ Jensen spat, the words low and vicious.  ‘Because I’m a filthy _slut_.  Are you happy now?’  He began to struggle in earnest then, bringing his own hands up to claw at Jared’s fingers, ‘Let me go; you _said_ you’d let me go.’  
  
  
‘No,’ Jared replied, his voice implacable.  He could see Jensen’s distress and he really wanted to let him go, but he couldn’t, not when he was so close to discovering why Jensen was punishing himself so badly.  ‘You enjoyed it?’  Jensen nodded just once, his jaw tight and his face still turned away.  ‘You enjoyed it so much that you cried and screamed and scrubbed your skin damn near raw afterwards?’   
  
  
Jensen didn’t nod that time, and there were fresh tears on his cheeks when Jared turned the boy’s face back to his own.  The sight was enough to melt most of his anger away, and Jared was just about able to keep his voice gentle as he added, ‘Jensen, just because you came doesn’t mean you enjoyed it.’  Jensen closed his eyes, hiding himself from Jared again.  ‘Jen, please look at me.’  No response.  ‘ _Please_.’  And just like Jared had known he would, Jensen did.  ‘A lot of rape victims orgasm during the attack, Jensen; it doesn’t mean that they enjoyed it.  It doesn’t mean that they wanted it and it certainly doesn’t mean they asked for it.  Your body reacted to stimulation just like anyone else’s would’ve done.  I _promise_ you that you didn’t enjoy it.’  
  
  
Jared watched Jensen’s face fall, his body crumbling as he collapsed back into Jared’s arms.  He didn’t say anything, though, and Jared just held him close again, hoping that he’d gotten finally through to the boy.  Hoping that they were at last on the road to getting Jensen better.   
  
  
They stayed like that until Jensen finally lost the battle with consciousness and fell asleep in Jared’s arms.  He hadn’t spoken another word, and Jared prayed that that was a good sign as he quickly lifted Jensen up and carried him to bed.  Once Jensen was under the covers, Jared settled down next to him on the mattress to watch him sleep…just for a little while.  Just to make sure he was safe.  
  
  
Jared was asleep before the first hour was up.  
  
  
NEXT.  
  



	19. Chapter Nineteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay, guys; the only excuse I have (and it’s not a very good one) is that I’ve been in a lot of pain lately and that makes it hard to write. So…if anyone’s still with me on this, thank you and I hope you enjoy this one.

**Chapter Eighteen.**         

 

When Jensen woke up, he noticed two things – it was light outside and he was in bed.  Neither of those things was particularly odd of course…except that he didn’t actually remember coming _up_ to bed last night.  In fact, now that he thought about it, Jensen didn’t remember much about last night at all.  Frowning, he turned his head to check the time on his alarm clock, but he immediately regretted it when a sharp pain seared through his skull and turned his stomach.  _Fuck_ , he was gonna be sick.   Jensen quickly slammed his eyes shut again and slung his arm across them to completely blot out the harsh morning light streaming in through his window.  He lay completely still, taking deep breaths and trying to ignore the steady throbbing behind his eyes and the soul cloying taste in his mouth as he waited for the nausea to pass.  God, he hadn’t felt this bad in months, not since…

 

Jensen’s eyes snapped open again and his stomach churned so violently, he actually grabbed the trash can from the floor in case he needed to throw up.  Several minutes passed with him just leaning over the side of the bed, the bin clutched desperately in his hands, before he realised that he didn’t have anything to fear…because…because Michael didn’t live with him anymore.  The man was, in fact, a hundred miles away locked up in a tiny cell and under guard twenty four hours a day - he was as far from Jensen as he could possibly get without him being dead and buried.  That thought helped stem Jensen’s panic and his heart slowly stopped racing and began to beat its normal pace again.

 

As soon as Jensen was sure he wasn’t in danger of chucking up anymore, he dropped the bin carelessly onto the floor and flopped back on his bed with a sigh.  He felt tired…no, he felt _drained_ , sapped of everything that made him _him_ , and he wondered once again whether this soul crushing fear would ever truly leave him.  Wondered how he could he possibly have any semblance of a normal life if every time he woke up feeling a little off, he damn near gave himself a heart attack because of it?  When no answers were forthcoming, Jensen ran a weary hand down his face and decided he should probably go back to sleep…maybe…maybe things wouldn’t look so bleak when he woke up again.    

 

Unfortunately, Jensen wasn’t at all prepared for the sight that greeted when he rolled onto his side, and he almost fell out of the bed in shock.  He lay there staring at Jared asleep next to him and wondered how he could possibly not have noticed the other boy before now?  Surely, he hadn’t been _that_ drunk last night?  Just as he thought that, though, his head gave a particularly painful pulse, as if in dispute, and Jensen had to admit that maybe he had.  Of course, the fact that Jared was all but hugging the edge of the bed probably didn’t help either.  But why was he in Jensen’s bed at all?  Hangovers and panic attacks aside, Jensen had absolutely no idea, so he cast his mind back to the night before, in the hope that it might shed some light on the subject…  

 

_ ‘Because I enjoyed it.  Because I’m a slut.  Are you happy now?’   _

 

He gasped and his eyes widened as the words echoed in his head… _his_ words.  Oh fuck… _fuck!_ Had he really said that?  Jesus, what had he been _thinking_?  He was bloody lucky Jared hadn’t thrown him out on his miserable ass just for that.  And that just raised yet another question – why on earth hadn’t he?

 

_ ‘It doesn’t mean they wanted it and it certainly doesn’t mean they asked for it.’ _

 

Jared’s earnest face swam before Jensen’s eyes as the words played in his ears.  Did Jared _really_ believe that?  Did he really think Jensen wasn’t to blame for what had happened?  How could he when…when Jensen had ruined _everything_?  

 

But Jared hadn’t kicked him out back then either, not even when he’d caught Jensen red-handed, the memory of Michael’s come still fresh on his skin, so…so…maybe…

 

Jensen wasn’t sure how long he lay watching Jared but soon the other boy began to stir, and not wanting to get caught staring at Jared like some sort of creeper, Jensen quickly closed his eyes and evened out his breathing.  He didn’t expect the gentle hand against his cheek and barely kept up the pretence of sleep when Jared followed it up with a kiss to his forehead.  ‘It’s gonna be okay, Jen.  I promise.’  The bed dipped slightly then and Jensen heard the other boy stand up and leave the room, the door closing quietly behind him.  

 

Stunned, Jensen couldn’t move, couldn’t take his eyes off the door Jared had just walked through.  Jared had really meant what he’d said last night; he _honestly_ didn’t blame Jensen for all this.  But…how…

 

Jensen rolled onto his back and stared up at his ceiling again, his mind trying desperately to process this new information.  

 

It was _Jensen_ who’d made Michael do this…

 

Wasn’t it?  

 

Jensen frowned, his hangover doing nothing to help his increasingly muddled thoughts.  Every way he looked at all this, the conclusion always seemed so simple – this was on him.  He _must’ve_ done something, even if he didn’t rightly know what that something was.  

 

But even as he finished that thought, another was quickly forming amongst the hundreds already tumbling around in Jensen’s head; a thought that he’d never even considered before – what if…what if Jared was right?  What if this _wasn’t_ all his fault?

 

And Jensen just didn’t know how to deal with that.  The possibility that some of the guilt he was carrying around wasn’t his own released something tight inside his chest.  He felt like he could breathe again for the first time in weeks…for the first time in _months_.  

 

A whole new feeling swelled in his chest then, filling up that huge hole that Michael had gouged out of him, as he turned on his side.  It was so foreign, so alien to him now, that it took a moment for him to recognise what it was - _hope_.  It was hope that maybe this would all be okay someday; hope that he wasn’t damaged beyond repair; hope that his life wasn’t going to be filled and dictated by fear forever.  Jensen felt oddly light all of a sudden, and a soft smile curved his lips as his eyelids drifted closed again.  Within seconds, he was asleep.   And for once, he didn’t have nightmares.  He dreamed of his lake and of his dad; of paints and oils and brightly coloured canvases, and, in those precious moments, he finally felt free.  

 

NEXT.


	20. Chapter Twenty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Well, I’ve finally finished this chapter and it’s probably a huge load of crap because I feel like I haven’t written anything for ages, and you’ll have to tell me if it is. And…this is probably a really unnecessary chapter, but I felt like Jensen needed it ‘cause he was still really confused after the last chapter, so I’m sorry for that. Anyway, hopefully, anyone who’s still with this story – waves to the lone person who has had the patience to stay with this shitty little story – enjoys this chapter a tiny bit.

**Chapter Nineteen.**  
  
 **Jeff.**  
  
  
‘Jared says it wasn’t my fault,’ Jensen stated abruptly, his eyes fixed on the floor and his hands gripping the arms of his chair.  The boy had been sat there for the last half an hour, completely silent, and Jeff had pretty much given up hope that Jensen would say anything at all during their session.    
  
  
He wasn’t sure which surprised him more – Jensen actually broaching the subject of the abuse without any prompting, or the words themselves.  Jeff knew just how much Jensen blamed himself for what had happened, even if the boy had never quite been able to admit it out loud.  Self-loathing and guilt dogged his every step, coloured his every word, marred his every expression; they were his constant companions, huddled close and whispering a perpetual stream of insidious lies and unfounded accusations in Jensen’s ear.  It was a wonder Jensen could even get up in the morning, carrying that kind of burden around on his young shoulders, and Jeff had no doubts that it slowly crushing Jensen’s already battered soul.  In all honesty, it had crossed his mind more than once that he and Jared wouldn’t be able to save Jensen before that weight finally got the better of him.    
  
  
So this?  This reluctantly hopeful statement was completely unexpected, but so very welcome.  And it was all because of Jared…of course it was; Jensen had no idea just how much Jared cared about him.  ‘Jared’s a smart boy,’ Jeff replied, settling his hands in his lap and waiting for Jensen to continue.    
  
  
‘But…but how can…’  Jensen ran a frustrated hand through his hair.  ‘It was _me_.  Why did it happen to me if I didn’t do something to _make_ it happen?’  
  
  
‘What do you think you did?’ Jeff asked, keeping his tone carefully neutral in an effort not to lead the conversation too much.  Jensen needed to reason this through on his own; Jeff could tell him a hundred times over that the abuse wasn’t his fault, but Jensen wouldn’t believe it until he was ready to.  And that wouldn’t happen until Jensen realised, and truly accepted, that everything Michael told him was a lie.  But perhaps that realisation wasn’t quite as far off as Jeff had feared; surely the fact that Jensen was questioning his own concrete beliefs about this meant that he was finally beginning to see the man Michael truly was – the man behind all the lies and hateful words that had damn near turned Jensen inside out.   
  
  
‘I don’t know,’ Jensen admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.  ‘Maybe I…’ He turned his head away, hunching his shoulders slightly, and there it was again – that cringing shame that made Jensen seem to almost shrink before Jeff’s very eyes.  When Jensen spoke again, the words came out stilted, his tone wavering and uncertain, ‘I can be a…a tease, I know that, so…maybe I did something to make Michael think I wanted it…but I didn’t _mean_ to…I…I didn’t want it, I swear.’  As he rushed the last of his confession out, Jensen turned back to Jeff, his eyes wide and desperate, like he honestly thought Jeff wouldn’t believe him.  Like he thought Jeff was suddenly going to side with Michael, despite everything he’d said over the last few weeks, and tell him that he was to blame for all this.    
  
  
A fresh wave of anger swept through Jeff, along with a by now all too familiar thirst for vengeance, as he looked into Jensen’s terrified eyes.  Would the boy _ever_ be able to trust anyone again?    
  
  
Jeff instantly pushed that devastatingly bleak thought away and took a deep breath; Jensen didn’t need to see the rage rushing through his veins…he wouldn’t understand.  He’d just assume the anger was aimed at him and any progress the boy might’ve made with Jared would be utterly lost.  It took a few moments for Jeff to calm himself down enough to reply, but when he finally did, his voice held nothing but understanding and compassion, ‘I know you didn’t, Jensen.’  And because he knew that he’d probably never get this chance again, he tried to steer the conversation back to where it needed to be.  ‘Why do think you’re a tease?’  
  
  
Jensen’s cheeks flushed red at that and his jaw tightened.  ‘Because I am…it was one of the first things he told me.’   
  
  
‘Your stepfather?’  Jeff asked, even though he already knew the answer, and when Jensen’s small nod confirmed it, he felt confident enough to push a little further.  ‘And you don’t think that sounds like he was trying to pass the blame for his actions onto you?  That maybe calling you a tease let him pretend that what he was doing wasn’t his fault?  That it was okay?’  
  
  
For once, Jensen didn’t look away like Jeff expected him to; he just shook his head slightly and said, ‘I…I…don’t know…’  
  
  
And the sad thing was, Jensen really didn’t know.  He was so lost in this nightmare – grasping at all the wrong straws and coming to all the wrong conclusions – that he could hardly tell up from down right now, let alone tell the truth from the lies.  ‘Okay, Jensen, think about it like this.  If you are a tease,’ Jensen flinched slightly but Jeff carried on regardless, ‘and you actually _did_ want it, then why did Michael need to drug you?  And why did he keep your time together a secret?  That’s right isn’t it, Jensen?  He didn’t talk to you about it until _after_ he’d stopped drugging you, did he?’  
  
  
The boy’s frown deepened, ‘No, that’s not…wait…I think…that doesn’t sound right…’  Jensen brought his fingers up to his temples and closed his eyes, an almost pained look on his face.  ‘Didn’t I…he…he…said I’d dreamed all that.’  It was clear that Jensen was having trouble sorting it all out in his head, which wasn’t a huge surprise given how he’d lived with Michael’s perverted version of the ‘truth’ for so many months.   But that ended now.  This was the most open Jensen had ever been about his ordeal, and it was the perfect opportunity, perhaps the _only_ opportunity, for someone to finally clear up all that confusion for him.  And Jeff decided right there and then that that someone was going to be him.    
  
  
‘But you hadn’t,’ Jeff said firmly.  ‘You were drugged, Jensen; do you remember the doctor telling you that?’  It took a moment but Jensen eventually nodded his head, his frown lessening slightly.  ‘Jensen, did you want your stepfather like that?  Did you _want_ to have sex with him?’  
  
  
‘No!’ Jensen replied instantly, his eyes snapping open again and his voice louder and more certain than it ever had been within the four walls of Jeff’s office.  ‘I couldn’t…understand where the dreams were coming from and-’  
  
  
‘Because they weren’t real, Jensen.  They weren’t yours, were they?’  
  
  
‘I…’  Jensen gaped at Jeff for a second, his mind obviously trying to process Jeff’s words, before he quietly answered, ‘No.’  
  
  
That one little word made Jeff want desperately to grab Jensen and pull him into his arms because he was finally getting through to the boy; Jensen was _finally_ listening to him.  But he refrained from doing so because they weren’t done, not just yet.  So instead, he asked, ‘Then is it such a huge leap to believe that all the other lies Michael told you, all the lousy reasons he gave for coming to your room, were just that - lies?’  
  
  
‘I…I don’t…’ Jensen started.  
  
  
But before doubt could creep in and take hold of Jensen again, Jeff barrelled on, ‘Jensen, you didn’t want it.  You didn’t _tease_ Michael or make him do anything he didn’t want to do.  Your stepfather raped you and he did it of his own free will.  You have _nothing_ to feel guilty for.’  Jeff leaned forward and took Jensen’s hands in his.  ‘You did nothing wrong, Jensen.’  
  
  
‘But…I…’  
  
  
‘You did _nothing_ wrong,’ Jeff said again, giving Jensen’s hands a gentle squeeze.  
  
  
They stayed like that for a long time, Jensen just staring at their joined hands, before the boy finally spoke up.  His voice sounded far too young and far too innocent for what they were talking about, ‘It wasn’t my fault?’    
  
  
‘No, Jensen, it wasn’t your fault,’ Jeff agreed, with a small shake of his head.  ‘And nobody blames you.  Not Jared; not your mom.’  
  
  
‘But Jared, he-’  
  
  
‘ _Doesn’t_ blame you at all.’    
  
                                       
‘He gets so quiet sometimes though, and then he won’t even look at me,’ Jensen said, his eyes drifting over Jeff’s shoulder to look out the window behind him.  Although, judging by the look on the boy’s face, Jeff highly doubted that he was actually seeing any of the greenery outside or the perfectly blue sky just above it.  No, Jensen was far too busy thinking of all the ways that Jared might hate him to focus on anything else.  
  
  
Jeff sighed, letting go of Jensen’s hands and settling back in his chair, ‘Because this is hard for him too, Jensen.  He doesn’t blame you but he did just lose his dad-ʼ  
  
  
‘Because of me.’  
  
  
‘No, _not_ because of you.  He lost his dad because his dad’s not a good guy.  But I also think when he looks at you sometimes, he blames himself for what happened.’  
  
  
Jensen’s eyes instantly locked on Jeff, his usually soft gaze turning hard as he all but snarled, ‘What?  Jared’s not to blame for any of this.  You can’t possibly think that any of this is his fault.’  Jensen’s voice was harsh, livid on Jared’s behalf, and Jeff couldn’t help but wish the boy could get half this angry for himself.    
  
  
Jeff knew better than to voice that opinion, though, so he simply held his hands up in placation and said, ‘ _I_ don’t think it’s his fault, Jensen; he does.  He blames himself for not protecting you.  He lived in that house too; he thinks he should’ve seen what was happening and done something to stop it.’  
  
  
‘No,’ Jensen replied, shaking his head.  ‘It wasn’t his fault at all.  I made _sure_ that he didn’t find out; I…I didn’t want him to know.’  
  
  
‘I know that, Jensen; I’m just not sure that Jared does.’  Jeff smiled sadly; Jensen wasn’t the only one blind to how much he was loved in this relationship.  ‘I think maybe the two of you need to have a talk about all this, don’t you?  It might help to clear up a few things.’  
  
  
Jensen’s eyes dropped back to the floor again, anger draining out of him as fast as it risen, ‘I don’t…I’m not sure that I can.’  
  
  
‘You can, Jensen,’ Jeff promised.  ‘You’re so much stronger than you think you are; I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but, Jensen, you _survived_.  That in itself takes courage, and coming here and talking about it is, well, it’s beyond amazing.  You should be proud of yourself.’  Jensen didn’t respond, but that was okay because the words needed to be said, even if Jensen wasn’t quite ready to believe them yet.  ‘And when it comes to Jared.’  Jensen looked up immediately at the mention of Jared’s name and Jeff suppressed a pleased grin – those boys were two sides of the same coin, and they were the only ones who didn’t see it.  ‘Do what you need to do; he’ll be there for you when you’re ready.’  
  
  
Jensen stared at Jeff searchingly, for a moment, before he nodded and said, ‘Okay, I’ll try.’    
  
  
‘Good,’ Jeff replied, watching as Jensen stood up, murmured a quiet, ‘Bye,’ and made his way to the door.  
  
  
Just before he reached it though, Jensen turned round and walked back to Jeff.  The boy held out his hand, and as soon as Jeff took hold of it, he said, ‘Thanks, Jeff.  I…I know I haven’t been… _this_ hasn’t been very easy,’ Jeff opened his mouth to argue but before he could get the words out, Jensen continued, ‘and I know this isn’t exactly in your job description, but thank you.’  He shook Jeff’s hand once before turning back around and hurrying out the door, leaving a slightly bemused but thoroughly satisfied Jeff behind him.  Jeff had never been one to count his chickens before they’d hatched, but this felt like a huge breakthrough for Jensen and he just hoped that the boy was finally on the road to recovery.   And he was sure that Jared would be with him every step of the way.    
  
  
NEXT.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um…I’m not sure if I hate this chapter or not – I’ve re-written it about ten times today so please tell me if it’s crap and I’ll give it another go. *Posts very nervously.*

**‘** **Chapter Twenty.**  
  
 **Jensen.**  
         
Jensen was just about done laying the finishing touches to their small dining table when he heard the apartment door open.  He took a deep breath and waited for Jared to come into the living room.  He hadn’t spoken to Jared since the previous night, when everything had finally come to a head, and he was more than a little nervous about how this conversation was going to go…actually, he was freaking terrified.     
  
  
‘Wow,’ Jared said, completely oblivious to Jensen’s inner turmoil, as he walked into the room and dropped his backpack onto the sofa.  ‘What’s all this?’  
  
  
Jensen didn’t look round…couldn’t quite bring himself to as he replied, ‘I just wanted to apologise for…last night.  I was out of control, and I said some things I really shouldn’t have.’    
  
  
‘Jen-ʼ  
  
  
‘And I figured we kind of needed to talk,’ he continued, not sure he would get this out if he let Jared interrupt.  ‘About the trial and…and maybe about what happened.’  
  
  
Thankfully, something in Jensen’s voice must’ve betrayed his nerves because Jared didn’t question him, didn’t demand an explanation that Jensen wasn’t quite ready to give just yet.  Instead, he simply replied with a soft ‘Okay’ and took a seat at the table as Jensen quickly retreated into the kitchen to grab dinner, feeling pitifully grateful for being able to put the conversation off just that little bit longer.   As it was, he took his time dishing up the pasta, making sure to wait until his hands stopped shaking before he walked back into the other room.  
  
  
 _Well, here goes…_  
  
  
Jensen let out a shuddering breath as he set the dishes down on the table and dropped into the seat opposite Jared.  They ate in silence, their cutlery scraping loudly against their plates and ramping up the tension between them to an almost painful level.  But Jensen just…he didn’t know how to break it; now that he was here, now that he’d finally decided to talk to Jared about all this, he had no idea where to begin.  _God_ , what on earth was he supposed to say?   
  
  
Luckily, Jared came to Jensen’s rescue once again, breaking the awkward silence for him, ‘I don’t know how much you remember of last night, Jen, but I hope you remember what I said?’  Jared placed his knife and fork down and levelled Jensen with a serious look.  ‘Because I meant every word; what happened wasn’t your fault and I don’t blame you.’  
  
  
Jensen took another deep breath, blinking away the relieved tears that rose to his eyes at Jared’s words.  Sure, Jeff had told him the same thing that very morning, but hearing it from Jared himself, with no alcohol clouding his system, was completely different.  ‘I know,’ he said quietly.  ‘I…I spoke to Jeff today and we talked.’  He put his own cutlery down, ‘It helped.  It just all gets so muddled in my head sometimes and I…I forget what was real and what wasn’t.’  
  
  
Jared reached across the table and covered Jensen’s hand with his own, ‘I can help you with that.  I’ll remind you what’s real.’  
  
  
Jensen nodded, a small smile curving his lips, as he turned his hand over and threaded their fingers together.  Together…they were in this together and Jensen needed to start acting like it; Jared had given him so much and it was high time Jensen manned up and gave something back.  ‘I know you will.  I…I know I haven’t thanked you yet and I’m sorry for that too.’  Jared opened his mouth, probably to argue, but Jensen just squeezed his hand and carried on, ‘I just want you to know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, even if I haven’t always shown it – you…you’ve been amazing.’    
  
  
Jensen paused then, relieved that he’d finally got that out but unsure of how to broach the other issue he and Jared needed to talk about.  After a few minutes searching for a good way to start, he realised that there _was_ no good way so he just bit the bullet and came out with it, ‘Jeff told me today that you blame yourself for what happened….that you feel responsible.’  Jared looked away, and for once it was Jensen who had to pull him back; for once, it was Jensen who had to be the strong one, ‘You’re not, Jared.  Nothing that happened was your fault, no…no more than it was mine, and I want you to know that you can talk to me whenever you need to.’  
  
  
Jared looked across at him and Jensen’s heart clenched painfully at the guilt he saw in the other boy’s eyes, ‘I should’ve known what was going on…I should’ve stop-’  
  
  
‘No,’ Jensen said, shaking his head.  
  
  
‘He was my dad and he…ʼ  
  
  
Jared trailed off when Jensen let go of his hand, watching as Jensen stood up and rounded the table to stand in front of him, ‘Yeah he did, Jared, but I promise that wasn’t your fault and I don’t blame you for it.’  Jensen leaned down to wrap his arms around Jared, drawing him into a hug that was just a little awkward given that Jared was still sitting down.  It wasn’t a problem for very long though, because the moment Jensen’s arms closed around Jared’s body, the older boy surged to his feet and pulled Jensen even closer, one hand coming up to gently cradle the back of Jensen’s head and his other arm snaking its way around Jensen’s waist.     
  
  
‘I can’t stand that he hurt you,’ Jared whispered, his arms tightening around Jensen.  ‘I can’t stand the thought of you in pain and me not doing anything to stop it.’  
  
  
‘But you did,’ Jensen replied, his words muffled slightly against Jared’s neck.  ‘ _You’re_ the one who stopped it, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that.’  
  
  
‘I just wanted to protect you.’  Jared’s lips brushed lightly against Jensen’s temple as he added, ‘I just want you to feel safe.’  
  
  
‘I do,’ Jensen assured him immediately because he couldn’t bear to have Jared think otherwise, not after everything the older boy had done for him.  Besides, it was completely true; Jensen might not have been certain of many things in his life right then, but Jared…Jared was the _one_ thing he was sure about.  Jared was safe – Jared was _home_.    
  
  
Jared pulled back then to look Jensen in the face, ‘You do?’  Jensen nodded, unable to deny the warmth that spread through him as Jared’s face broke out into a grin in response and the boy’s hand reached out to brush a stray lock of hair off Jensen’s forehead.  ‘You and me, Jen; it’s us against the world, right?’  
  
  
Jensen returned Jared’s bright smile with a small one of his own. ‘Us against the world,’ he agreed, surprised at how right the words sounded…surprised by how much he wanted them to be true.    
  
  
And right then he decided that he would make them true; even if it took everything he had, he would _make_ them true.  
  
  
NEXT. **‘** **Chapter Twenty.**  
  
 **Jensen.**  
         
Jensen was just about done laying the finishing touches to their small dining table when he heard the apartment door open.  He took a deep breath and waited for Jared to come into the living room.  He hadn’t spoken to Jared since the previous night, when everything had finally come to a head, and he was more than a little nervous about how this conversation was going to go…actually, he was freaking terrified.     
  
  
‘Wow,’ Jared said, completely oblivious to Jensen’s inner turmoil, as he walked into the room and dropped his backpack onto the sofa.  ‘What’s all this?’  
  
  
Jensen didn’t look round…couldn’t quite bring himself to as he replied, ‘I just wanted to apologise for…last night.  I was out of control, and I said some things I really shouldn’t have.’    
  
  
‘Jen-ʼ  
  
  
‘And I figured we kind of needed to talk,’ he continued, not sure he would get this out if he let Jared interrupt.  ‘About the trial and…and maybe about what happened.’  
  
  
Thankfully, something in Jensen’s voice must’ve betrayed his nerves because Jared didn’t question him, didn’t demand an explanation that Jensen wasn’t quite ready to give just yet.  Instead, he simply replied with a soft ‘Okay’ and took a seat at the table as Jensen quickly retreated into the kitchen to grab dinner, feeling pitifully grateful for being able to put the conversation off just that little bit longer.   As it was, he took his time dishing up the pasta, making sure to wait until his hands stopped shaking before he walked back into the other room.  
  
  
 _Well, here goes…_  
  
  
Jensen let out a shuddering breath as he set the dishes down on the table and dropped into the seat opposite Jared.  They ate in silence, their cutlery scraping loudly against their plates and ramping up the tension between them to an almost painful level.  But Jensen just…he didn’t know how to break it; now that he was here, now that he’d finally decided to talk to Jared about all this, he had no idea where to begin.  _God_ , what on earth was he supposed to say?   
  
  
Luckily, Jared came to Jensen’s rescue once again, breaking the awkward silence for him, ‘I don’t know how much you remember of last night, Jen, but I hope you remember what I said?’  Jared placed his knife and fork down and levelled Jensen with a serious look.  ‘Because I meant every word; what happened wasn’t your fault and I don’t blame you.’  
  
  
Jensen took another deep breath, blinking away the relieved tears that rose to his eyes at Jared’s words.  Sure, Jeff had told him the same thing that very morning, but hearing it from Jared himself, with no alcohol clouding his system, was completely different.  ‘I know,’ he said quietly.  ‘I…I spoke to Jeff today and we talked.’  He put his own cutlery down, ‘It helped.  It just all gets so muddled in my head sometimes and I…I forget what was real and what wasn’t.’  
  
  
Jared reached across the table and covered Jensen’s hand with his own, ‘I can help you with that.  I’ll remind you what’s real.’  
  
  
Jensen nodded, a small smile curving his lips, as he turned his hand over and threaded their fingers together.  Together…they were in this together and Jensen needed to start acting like it; Jared had given him so much and it was high time Jensen manned up and gave something back.  ‘I know you will.  I…I know I haven’t thanked you yet and I’m sorry for that too.’  Jared opened his mouth, probably to argue, but Jensen just squeezed his hand and carried on, ‘I just want you to know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, even if I haven’t always shown it – you…you’ve been amazing.’    
  
  
Jensen paused then, relieved that he’d finally got that out but unsure of how to broach the other issue he and Jared needed to talk about.  After a few minutes searching for a good way to start, he realised that there _was_ no good way so he just bit the bullet and came out with it, ‘Jeff told me today that you blame yourself for what happened….that you feel responsible.’  Jared looked away, and for once it was Jensen who had to pull him back; for once, it was Jensen who had to be the strong one, ‘You’re not, Jared.  Nothing that happened was your fault, no…no more than it was mine, and I want you to know that you can talk to me whenever you need to.’  
  
  
Jared looked across at him and Jensen’s heart clenched painfully at the guilt he saw in the other boy’s eyes, ‘I should’ve known what was going on…I should’ve stop-’  
  
  
‘No,’ Jensen said, shaking his head.  
  
  
‘He was my dad and he…ʼ  
  
  
Jared trailed off when Jensen let go of his hand, watching as Jensen stood up and rounded the table to stand in front of him, ‘Yeah he did, Jared, but I promise that wasn’t your fault and I don’t blame you for it.’  Jensen leaned down to wrap his arms around Jared, drawing him into a hug that was just a little awkward given that Jared was still sitting down.  It wasn’t a problem for very long though, because the moment Jensen’s arms closed around Jared’s body, the older boy surged to his feet and pulled Jensen even closer, one hand coming up to gently cradle the back of Jensen’s head and his other arm snaking its way around Jensen’s waist.     
  
  
‘I can’t stand that he hurt you,’ Jared whispered, his arms tightening around Jensen.  ‘I can’t stand the thought of you in pain and me not doing anything to stop it.’  
  
  
‘But you did,’ Jensen replied, his words muffled slightly against Jared’s neck.  ‘ _You’re_ the one who stopped it, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that.’  
  
  
‘I just wanted to protect you.’  Jared’s lips brushed lightly against Jensen’s temple as he added, ‘I just want you to feel safe.’  
  
  
‘I do,’ Jensen assured him immediately because he couldn’t bear to have Jared think otherwise, not after everything the older boy had done for him.  Besides, it was completely true; Jensen might not have been certain of many things in his life right then, but Jared…Jared was the _one_ thing he was sure about.  Jared was safe – Jared was _home_.    
  
  
Jared pulled back then to look Jensen in the face, ‘You do?’  Jensen nodded, unable to deny the warmth that spread through him as Jared’s face broke out into a grin in response and the boy’s hand reached out to brush a stray lock of hair off Jensen’s forehead.  ‘You and me, Jen; it’s us against the world, right?’  
  
  
Jensen returned Jared’s bright smile with a small one of his own. ‘Us against the world,’ he agreed, surprised at how right the words sounded…surprised by how much he wanted them to be true.    
  
  
And right then he decided that he would make them true; even if it took everything he had, he would _make_ them true.  
  
  
NEXT.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, this is obscenely late and probably not very good. It’s been a while since I posted anything so that’s my not very good excuse for this not being great. I hope you guys enjoy it, even just a little. *Bites lip nervously.*

**Chapter Twenty-One.**  
  
 **Jensen.**  
  
  
Jensen carefully placed their sodas and glasses on the coffee table before dropping down onto the sofa to wait for Jared.   
  
  
It had been a little over a month since they’d finally gotten everything out in the open, and life was just starting to get back to normal again.  Jensen still saw Jeff a couple of times a week, and even though the nightmares hadn’t stopped completely, it was getting easier and easier to snap out of them.  And that little voice in his head, the one that told him he was to blame, that he was worthless and soiled and not worth loving…well, it was getting easier to ignore that too.  So, as inconceivable as it would’ve seemed to Jensen just a few months ago, he was actually feeling…okay.  Hell, he felt more like himself than he had in a long time.  
  
  
‘Seriously?  ‘Watchmen’ _again_ , Jen?’  Jared groaned as he walked into the room, interrupting Jensen’s thoughts and taking a seat next to him.  
  
  
Jensen shrugged, trying to keep a straight face at Jared’s indignant tone but completely failing.  ‘Since you’re still saying that like it’s a bad thing, you obviously haven’t watched it enough yet.’  
  
  
‘ _Right_ …’ Jared replied, the word drawn out and sarcastic.  ‘So even though I could probably recite the script by now, you still don’t think I’ve seen this movie enough times?’  
  
  
‘Nope,’ Jensen said, flipping open the pizza box in front of them and grabbing a slice while Jared pressed play on the remote.  
  
  
‘Fine, but I swear to _God_ if you start talking along with the actors again, we’re turning it off,’ Jared warned, grabbing a pepperoni piled slice of his own.   
  
  
Jensen just smirked, settling back into the pillows and turning his attention to the TV.  This was nice – movie nights with Jared.  Nice and normal and something Jensen looked forward to more than anything else in his life.  So, yeah, things were good, and were getting better every day, and Jensen knew that it was all down to the boy sitting beside him.  Jared made him feel safe in a way Jensen hadn’t felt in months, and he honestly didn’t know where he’d be right then if it weren’t for him.   
  
  
In truth, Jensen doubted there would’ve been anything left of him at all.  
  
  
****  
  
  
‘Jen?  Jensen?’  
  
Jensen blinked awake at the sound of Jared’s voice, his vision slightly blurry and his brain still half asleep.  Even so, it didn’t take him more than a moment to realise that he had his head on Jared’s shoulder and his arm slung tightly across the other boy’s waist, bringing their bodies snugly together.  Heat pooled low in Jensen’s belly for the first time in what felt like years, and he flexed his fingers lazily against Jared’s flat, muscled stomach.  Jared was gorgeous, no two ways about it; he was tall and built and just about everything Jensen had always found attractive.  Back before all this.  
  
  
Jensen slowly looked up at Jared, bringing their faces so close that he could feel Jared’s breath against his mouth.  His gaze instantly dropped to Jared’s lips, pink and soft and slightly parted, and he felt an almost overwhelming need to know what they would feel like against his own.  So before he could talk himself out of it, Jensen leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Jared’s.  The kiss, if you could even call it that, lasted barely a second before Jared was pushing him away.  The rejection stung sharply in Jensen’s chest, like someone had shoved their hand through his ribcage and ripped out his heart, and it woke him up better than a cold bucket of water over the head could ever have done.  
  
  
 _What the hell had he been thinking?_  
  
  
‘I’m sorry,’ he said quickly, his cheeks burning hotly as he jumped up off the couch.  ‘I shouldn’t have…‘  
  
  
He turned to leave, to flee to the sanctuary of his bedroom, but Jared grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down onto the sofa.  ‘It’s okay,’ the older boy murmured softly.  ‘It’s okay, Jensen.  I don’t have a problem with you kissing me, believe me, but I…’ he gave Jensen a searching look, ‘I’m not sure you’re ready for that yet.’   
  
  
Jensen looked down into his lap, his chest tight and his eyes burning, ‘I just…I wanted to kiss you, that’s all.   I…I’m sorry.’  
  
  
‘Jen, you don’t need to be sorry,’ Jared sighed, taking one of Jensen’s hands in his and squeezing it gently.  ‘But this last year’s been pretty rough for you, for both of us, and I just don’t think this is the right time.’  
  
  
‘When then?’  Jensen asked, pulling his hand out of Jared’s grasp and turning to face him.  ‘When am I going to stop letting what happened rule my life?  I _wanted_ to kiss you Jared not…not because of all of that but because _I_ wanted to.’  He let out a weary, drawn out breath.  ‘It’s my decision, isn’t it?  Don’t _I_ get to decide when I’m ready?’  
  
  
Jared looked at him for a long moment before replying, ‘I just don’t want to hurt you, Jensen, not after everything.’  
  
  
Jensen shook his head and huffed out a bitter laugh that scraped along his insides like a rusty blade.  He knew the real reason why Jared didn’t want him; Jared didn’t need to lie about it.  Jensen was damaged goods, a complete mess…hell, he was a _fucking_ train wreck, no wonder Jared didn’t want him. ‘You just needed to say no, Jared.  If you didn’t want it, you could’ve just said so.  I know I’m fucked up but I’m a big boy, I could’ve handled it,’ he spat, standing up again.   
  
  
 _He was so fucking stupid…_  
  
  
Before he’d even managed to take more than two steps, though, Jared was there, grabbing him by the shoulders and shoving him up against the wall.  Hard.  The kiss that followed, however, was anything but hard; it was gentle and soft in a way that left Jensen completely off-balance and struggling to grasp what was going on.  
  
  
It didn’t last long, not more than a couple of seconds, and when Jared pulled away, he left his hand on Jensen’s cheek and said, ‘I wanted it.  If I hadn’t, then I _would’ve_ just said so; have I ever lied to you, Jensen?  Have I?’  Jensen bit his lip and shook his head slightly.  ‘Then why do you think I’d start now?’  
  
  
Jensen dropped his gaze, suddenly unsure as to what to do next and trying desperately to ignore the sickening guilt currently twisting his stomach in knots.  His words hadn’t been fair, especially not after everything Jared had done for him; embarrassment and shame had gotten the better of him and he’d lashed out.  And, once again, Jared had been the one to bear the brunt of his anger.  Jensen wondered again, for what must’ve been the thousandth time since all this began, why Jared was still there, putting up with his shit.   
  
  
Jared’s thumb stroking across his cheek brought Jensen out of his head and back to Jared.  ‘I want this, Jensen; I want _you_.  And you’re right, this is your decision and I’m sorry for making you feel like it wasn’t.  If you really think you’re ready, _really_ ready, then we can try this if you want.  But slow.  We’re not doing anything you can’t handle and I’m not gonna budge of that.  I refuse to do something that might hurt you.  I _won’t_.’  Then he leaned down to brush a chaste kiss against Jensen’s cheek.   
  
  
‘Now you go up to bed, okay, it’s been a long day.  I’m just gonna go clean up,’ Jared said, stepping back and letting Jensen move away from the wall.  He felt light-headed, like he might just float away at any moment, as he made his way across the room to the living room door.  Just before he crossed the threshold, though, Jared spoke again, ‘And you’re not fucked up, Jensen; you’ve been hurt and your body’s trying to deal with that.  But you’ll heal, I promise…I’ll make sure of it.’  Then the older boy was brushing past him and heading towards the kitchen, leaving Jensen to stare after him in shock.  He closed his eyes a moment later, blinking back tears, before quietly whispering ‘thank you’ under his breath and turning to go to his room.  
  
  
Because what more could Jensen say?  There just weren’t words to describe how he felt about Jared; nothing he said would ever come close to what was in his heart.  He could only hope that one day Jared would realise just how much everything he’d done meant to Jensen.  One day.   
  
  
NEXT.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a long time since I updated this one. God, I'm sorry, I have no idea where those few months went...I haven't even done that much writing so really I have no excuse. I can only apologise profusely and promise to try and do better in there future. I'm obviously a little rusty when it comes to this story...so please forgive me if it's a bit crappy...

** Chapter Twenty-Three. **

 

** Jared. **

 

Jared slowly came awake to someone shaking his shoulder, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Jensen standing beside his bed. The boy’s face was pale, his eyes wide, and that alone were enough to chase away every last trace of sleep still clinging to Jared. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, struggling into a sitting position. ‘Are you okay?’

 

Jensen didn't speak for a moment, just stood staring down at Jared, but when he did, his voice was quiet, even in the silence of the room, ‘I…I was wondering if maybe I could…maybe…sleep in here with you tonight?' 

 

Jared sighed. They were meant to be taking it slow, this thing between them, and Jared was pretty damn sure that sharing a bed didn’t constitute as ‘slow’ by any stretch of the imagination. ‘Jen, I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ he said, but he immediately regretted it, wishing desperately that he could take the words back, when he saw tears rise to Jensen’s eyes. 

 

‘Oh…um…okay,’ Jensen whispered, his breath hitching slightly, before he quickly turned and hurried out of Jared’s room.

 

‘Damn it,’ Jared swore under his breath as he quickly got out of bed and went after him. 

 

As it turned out, Jensen hadn’t gone far at all. He was sitting just outside Jared’s room, with his knees against his chest and his face buried in them, and Jared could tell from the trembling of the boy’s shoulders that he'd finally let loose the tears he'd obviously been trying so hard to hold back in front of Jared. _Fuck._

 

‘Jen?’ Jared said quietly, but Jensen didn't give the slightest indication that he even realised Jared was standing next to him, let alone talking to him. ‘Come on,’ Jared continued, regardless, ‘you can sleep in my bed tonight if you want.’

 

But Jensen didn’t look up, didn’t move at all, so, instead, Jared leaned down, gently took hold of Jensen’s arms and slowly guided him to his feet. From there, it wasn’t all that difficult to manoeuvre Jensen into his room and into bed. And, once Jensen was settled under the covers, Jared climbed in the other side, making sure to keep to the edge of the bed and not touch Jensen at all. In truth, he wasn’t sure who he was doing that for – himself or Jensen. Jared was deathly afraid that if he finally let himself touch Jensen like that, after weeks - maybe even months, if he was honest - of imagining Jensen in his bed like this, he might of too far. And that…that would ruin everything and damage Jensen even more, maybe to a point where even Jared couldn't help him. No, it was best to keep the boundaries firm, at least for the moment. 

 

That resolve helped him relax, and sleep quickly drifted back in to whisk him away again, but just before he went under, Jensen's voice broke through the silence...a whisper in the dark, ‘I had a nightmare.’ Jared gave himself a mental slap, blaming his sleep muddled brain for jumping to completely the wrong conclusion earlier; _of course_ that was why Jensen had come into his room at two in the morning and asked to sleep with him. ‘It…it was a bad one,’ Jensen continued, utterly oblivious to Jared's guilt ridden thoughts. ‘I couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, and…and he was there…I was yelling in my head but…but nothing came out.’ 

 

Jared’s heart clenched painfully in his chest; Jensen sounded terrified, even though Jared’s dad was locked up a hundred miles away. But to Jensen, Jared supposed, Michael was always going to be right there with him, in his head, and, unfortunately there was nothing Jared could do to protect Jensen from that. ‘It’s not the first time I’ve…that’s happened before but I’ve always been able to wake myself up but…but this time it was like I was…trapped and I couldn’t…and I had to do…the things…I had to…’ Jensen broke off then, his breath catching in his throat, and Jared didn’t even have to think about it before rolling over and pulling the boy into his arms. 

 

Jensen was shaking, but he went easily into Jared’s embrace, wrapping his arms around Jared’s waist and burying his face in Jared’s shoulder. ‘Shhh,’ Jared breathed, holding Jensen tightly, ‘it’s okay.’ There wasn’t much more he could say; this was one battle Jensen would have to fight on his own. Jared would be there after every nightmare, after every flashback, but in the end, Jensen was the only one who could banish Jared’s dad from his mind. 

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Jensen said after a few minutes. ‘It’s stupid. It…it was just a dream.’

 

Jared would’ve given anything right then for that to have been true, but he knew as well as anyone that dreams could be every bit as scary as real life. And given what Jensen had been through, Jared could only imagine how terrifying his nightmares must've been. ‘It’s not stupid at all, Jensen. Everyone has nightmares and they’re scary as hell; it’s alright to be afraid.’

 

‘I…I couldn’t wake up,’ Jensen whispered again, burying further into Jared’s arms.

 

‘I know,’ Jared said softly. ‘It’ll get better once the trial’s over, I promise.’ Because that _had_ to have been what had triggered this relapse. Carol had been 'round earlier that day and Jensen had reluctantly agreed to testify against Jared’s dad. He’d been quiet ever since then, though, barely eating anything at dinner and going to bed hours before he usually did; Jared should’ve known how badly the prospect of the trial would affect him. Jeff had told him, right at the start of all this, that stress would make things more difficult for Jensen, make it harder to block the trauma out, and there were few things more stressful for Jensen than having to talk about the abuse, especially in front of a room full of strangers. _Especially_ , in front of his goddamn abuser. ‘And until then, I’m right here whenever you need me.’

 

‘I always need you,’ Jensen said, his voice soft and a little dreamy now and Jared could tell the boy was halfway back to sleep again. He wondered if Jensen had even meant to say that to him. Probably not…Jensen’s track record for being upfront about what he needed wasn’t exactly stellar. 

 

Either way, it didn’t matter, because Jared knew what Jensen was trying to say and as he settled down, Jensen in his arms and the boy’s head pillowed on his chest, he promised, ‘Then I’ll always be here.’


End file.
